Even in War
by Slash McSlash
Summary: Two boys. One misplaced kiss. Countless questioned orientations. The greatest love feud Hogwarts would ever know. RLSB. ON HIATUS, if you couldn't already tell.
1. The Calm Before the Storm

Even in War 

by

Norikio Na No Da

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing...except this nifty laptop!

**Chapter One: The Calm Before The Storm**

It was a calm, fair-weathered Sunday morning in autumn for the students of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The students, as they slowly but surely filtered into the Great Hall for breakfast, were perfectly unaware that three things were happening at that very moment—three things that would alter the course of every one of their lives.

Two new students were just stepping off the Hogwarts Express, luggage in hand, for their first day at school.

Sirius Black was having a relationship-ending fight with his girlfriend of two months, Alice Cowley.

And timid little Peter Pettigrew was just finishing his three-day-late Potions essay, to be turned in before noon for partial credit.

Three seemingly unrelated incidents, or at least unrelated for the time being, that would come to ignite the fuse that would set off a legendary clash of wills.

&&&

"I don't know about you, but I, for one, could not be happier to be back in the homeland."

So said one Dorcas Meadowes as she sunk into the old—and oddly squishy—sofa of the Gryffindor Common Room. Even at age fifteen, she was a striking young woman, blonde as the sun was white, with an aristocratic shape of face and calculating, pale blue eyes. These narrow eyes, almost fox-like in appearance, settled studiously on her only other companion in the almost-empty common room.

Remus Lupin stood by the window, his slight frame surrounded by an almost heavenly backlight that was really only the glare of the mid-morning sun shining into the common room. His pale brown hair gleamed gold in the sunlight, the layered strands falling with a sort of breathtaking simplicity across his thoughtful eyes. Large eyes. Fallow eyes. Eyes…that were obviously not paying any attention to her.

There were many things that Dorcas couldn't stand. One of which was cheesy backlit poses. And another was being ignored. So you couldn't really blame her for doing what she did next.

Rolling up onto her elbows and pushing herself to her feet in one fluid, silent motion, she allowed a cruel smirk to crawl across her lips. She swaggered over to her friend, who still hadn't acknowledged her, and stood behind him with her hands positioned so they were almost touching either side of his waist. The smirk became a full-blown grin as her hands rolled into fists with only index fingers extended.

And she jabbed them both into his sides.

Which, for those who have not experienced it like she dealt it, could be really… really…_painful_.

He let out a most unbecoming squeal.

"CASSIE!" he yelped, wrapping his arms around his waist as he whirled around to face her. His brown eyes were reproachful.

"Yes?"

"That _hurt._"

"Yes, well, not _nearly_ as much as it hurt to be ignored by you, Mr. Lupin," she snuffled in response, dabbing at imaginary tears with an imaginary handkerchief. The two were the same height, but where her slim-but-strong form was still in the growing stage, her male companion's angular, almost frail frame did not promise for much development.

"You still shouldn't sneak up on one like that," he grumbled.

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry." Dorcas simpered. "But what could possibly be occupying our Mr. Lupin's thoughts? It must be pretty important if it drowned me out." She put her hands to his head and rattled it back and forth briefly. "If only I could see inside that enigma of a mind."

Remus swatted her hands away and smiled wanly. "I was just wondering how we got into Gryffindor, of all of the houses."

"Fancy yourself a Ravenclaw, Lupin?" she asked. "Or maybe a Hufflepuff. You _do_ squeal like one."

"That's profiling," snapped Remus, melancholy gone. He tried to hide a grin. "And stop calling me 'Lupin'. You've known me, what, three, four years? Shouldn't we be on a first-name basis by now?"

Dorcas let out an unladylike snort. "But '_Remus_'…it's so…_blah._"

"And 'Dorcas' is…?" Remus asked, eyebrow quirked.

"Don't even get me _started_. Just call me Cassie, never speak my given name again, and maybe we can convince this school that my real name's Cassandra," the blond girl muttered bitterly. She was an artist at heart, and enemy to the bland and everything else she didn't think was stunning and new, so it only stood to reason that, after thirteen years of enduring the name "Dorcas", she wouldn't want a change. It was simply her nature, and Remus indulged it.

He chuckled and allowed his gaze to shift back to the grounds outside of the window. "But really," he said, "why Gryffindor? Why not Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff or…or Slytherin?"

Dorcas frowned. "Slytherin? You wanted to be a Slytherin?"

"Not _wanted,_" Remus sighed. "But…half-expected. Considering…what I am."

The blond winced and cast a glance over each shoulder to make sure they were the only ones in the room. She lifted a hand and gripped his shoulder reassuringly. "I thought we'd been over this, Remus."

The lycanthrope blinked up at her, startled. She only used his given name when she was being very sincere…and that was a very rare thing indeed. "We have, we have," he said, smile returning hastily. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean…I meant that maybe the…the Sorting Hat—"

"Now you're accusing the hat of being biased?" Her voice was accusatory, teasing, intended to ease the tension.

Remus laughed, and shrugged his shoulder out from under her hand. "Of course not!"

"You'd better get your story straight, Lupin—" ah, the customary title had returned, and all was well, "—because right now you're looking pretty suspicious."

Remus laughed, harder this time, at the ridiculously leery expression on her face. Her eyes softened in relief and fondness as he bent double in his laughter, grateful that the mood had lightened. Dorcas did not enjoy solemn, sober moments.

But as the mood lightened, the sky outside became darker. Heavy gray clouds slid through the once-clear sky, dimming the sun's glare and promising rain. A collective groan went up among the Hogwarts students outside as they began their low-spirited retreat into the shelter of the castle.

"There goes the weather," observed Remus.

"It looks like we're going to meet our housemates sooner than we thought," agreed Dorcas, bobbing her head lazily.

"I hope we'll make friends."

"You kidding? A couple of hot-shots like us?" Dorcas said, giving her friend a playful shove. She looked out across the grounds, already being spattered by rain, and grinned determinedly.

"We'll be the greatest things that ever happened to this place, my friend. Just you wait and see."

&&&

"That…BITCH!"

"Evil bitch!"

"What a _floozy_!"

"Floozy as they come!"

"How _dare she_?"

"Scandalous!"

"She was NOTHING when she met me! NOTHING!"

"Ridiculous!"

"_No one _cheats on Sirius Black and then _dumps him_!"

"Except her!"

"Who does she _think she is_?!"

"I sure don't know!"

Sirius Black paused in his ranting long enough to slam him fist down heavily on the long Gryffindor table. The plates and silverware of everyone seated in a twenty foot radius jumped a little. Few dared glance over to see the fury that was Sirius, for fear of provoking him further.

"You _know_, Jim, you're _really_ not helping," he seethed, fingers curling around his butter knife menacingly.

James Potter edged back slightly from the table and grinned sheepishly. "Just trying to give you the support you need, mate."

"You're not very good at it."

"Um…no one's perfect?"

Sirius groaned, crossing his arms on the table and letting his head flop down into them.

"If it's any consolation, mate…" James paused for a long moment, "…well, you've still got _me!_"

The handsome young boy groaned once more. "What good is _that?_"

"Hey! Many women would be thrilled to have me!"

"Here's a heads up, Jim," hissed Sirius, head emerging from his arms, wrathful gray eyes scowling at him. "I'm…not…a…woman!"

"Could've fooled me, the way you're taking this break up."

The eavesdropping girl at the table behind them burst out laughing. She was silenced by one irate glance in her direction, and immediately ran sobbing from the Great Hall. Her friend huffed irritably at Sirius and ran after her.

James watched them go in awe. "How a girl could give up a bloke like you is simply beyond me."

"Oh, shut up."

His bespectacled friend studied him from across the table. "It seems to me," he said at last, as though deep in thought, "that what you need, mate, is some revenge…Deviant style!"

Sirius brought his fist down on the table once more. "I thought I told you before to stop calling us that stupid name!" he growled.

"What? I thought you agreed that we needed a cool name for our dashing duo?"

"And 'Deviant' is not it!"

"Well, _I_ thought it was cool…" sniffed James irritably, putting his head in his hands and pouting.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Oh, don't be such a baby, Jim. Honestly, sometimes you're worse than Regulus."

"Don't _compare_ me in _anything_ with _anyone,_ Sirius Black," James said, wagging his finger, in a mock-warning tone. "I am truly the king in everything I do."

A raised eyebrow in his direction. "Then why is it you've never had a girl, mate?"

"No one's quite caught my fancy as of yet. But just you wait."

"Don't bother," Sirius sighed. "Girls are nothing but trouble. Alice Cowley being a prime example."

"Which brings me right back around to my earlier point. Why not exact some revenge on the little tramp?"

"What do you have in mind?" asked Sirius, rather half-heartedly.

"Well," said James, leaning in conspiratorially, "I heard from a friend of a friend of a friend of a good mate of mine that Gryffindor's own Miss Beatrice Bleeker fancies you."

"So? About four-fifths of this school fancies me."

"Yes, but Beatrice is a good friend of Alice Cowley."

"…So?"

"I _also _heard from this friend of a friend of a friend of a good mate of mine that Alice is about as possessive and controlling of her friends as a certain someone else I know."

"…I'll ignore that obvious little dig at my expense, Jim," said Sirius, "because you just might be onto something."

"Aren't I, though?"

"But it's too simple. We'd need to elaborate it."

James leapt abruptly up from his seat, perching his hands on his hips in what he clearly thought was an impressive stance. People were beginning to stare.

"A good Deviant always thinks on his feet, Siri. I suggest you drop this Beatrice a little snogging invitation, and we'll figure out the rest along the way."

Sirius also clambered from his seat to clap his friend on the back. "It's times like these when I remember why I keep you around, Jim."

The bespectacled boy grinned, with more than a little ego. "I try."

&&&

For the first time since as far back as he could remember, little Peter Pettigrew was on a roll. When he sat down earlier that morning to buckle down and begin working on the dreaded potions essay—which, having been incapacitated with a unplaced illness for the past week that was widely suspected of being a curse placed by a certain bitter young Slytherin named Severus Snape, he had been incapable of writing before its due date—he had had no idea that the ideas would _flow_ from the tip of the quill as fluidly and majestically as they had. But as soon as the quill had made contact with the off-white parchment, black ink was scrawling across the paper, weaving his thoughts like a spider weaves its web. Being sub-par at most everything he did, Peter was thrilled, and didn't even bother to look up when someone else entered the dormitory or tried to initiate conversation.

Not that many people wanted to talk to him. But that was neither here nor there.

At last, an hour after he had begun, he lifted the quill from the parchment and set it down on the bedspread next to the book he had been using as a surface to write his paper on. Then, he lifted the parchment, slowly, gently, _lovingly_, from where it rested, and held it high, as if presenting an offering to the gods. It was his brainchild. At the moment, it was his _everything._

When Peter Pettigrew did something right, it was no small matter to him.

Eagerly he rolled the parchment up, and, clutching it happily in his fist, he leapt off of his bed, scrambled across the floor, out the door, and was on his way to the Potions classroom to present his beloved essay. Three days late, but he couldn't have been prouder with himself.

&&&

It hadn't taken long for James to locate the aforementioned Beatrice Bleeker, and subsequently describe for her the throbbing passion that her "beautifully forbidden swain from the shadows" was holding for her. And while he was delivering the message, Sirius was waiting patiently in the empty Potions classroom to meet her, taking care to summon a mirror and make himself as seductive and handsome as he possibly could (_not that I need any help, _ he reminded himself smugly). Neither were aware that, at the same time, the pair of new students just arrived from their four-year-long stay in Paris, France, were cheerfully making their way down the hall towards the Potions classroom, intending to discuss their class schedules and requirements with the professor—who, incidentally, was not _there._ Nor did they know that Peter, parchment in hand, was running up the hall in the opposite direction, _also_ intent on meeting the professor, to turn in his late work.

And so, as the bell tolled twelve o'clock, did the legend begin.

&&&

Seated on top of the teacher's desk in the empty classroom, with his legs crossed at the ankles and his hands propping him up from behind, Sirius Black looked drop-dead-sexy—and he _knew_ it, too. He had taken great care in brushing back his long black mane till it shone, and letting it hang free from its usual binding over his shoulders, framing his face and generally enhancing his natural beauty. His Gryffindor robes were draped over the chair behind him—he'd decided "casual-chic" was the best look for him at the moment, and robes didn't really seem to fit into this category. He had also unbuttoned the first few buttons on his white collared shirt, just enough to reveal a teasing bit of pectorals and clavicle. For some reason, the girls really went for a bit of clavicle. His red-and-gold Gryffindor tie was loose around his neck, but his shirt was still tucked into his black trousers, to hint tastefully at the taut waist underneath.

He didn't usually put so much care into "prettying himself up" for a girl. He thought that was really their job, while his was to look their way and wink. It almost always worked.

But this wasn't under normal circumstances. This was his opportunity to get back at the girl who had humiliated him and stepped all over his pride, and he took it seriously.

So when he heard chattering voices and the sounds of students approaching, he slid off of the desk and tucked his thumbs into his pockets to wait, pasting a handsome smile on his finely-chiseled features.

But when she stepped into the classroom, the smile dropped right off his face.

He had not expected Beatrice Bleeker to be so _gorgeous_.

There was another girl behind her, a blonde who was also pretty, but Sirius had only eyes for Beatrice at the moment. She had fallen silent when she had entered the room to find Sirius there, her cheeks painted lovely pink. Her hair was golden-brown and, at the tilted angle she held her head, partially hid one eye from view. The eye still visible was a warm cinnamon color, and seemed to glow beneath her bangs. She was thin, a bit lanky, not well-endowed from what he could see (but her robes were baggy, so it wasn't certain), and perhaps half-a-foot shorter than himself. She looked bookish and timid. In short, she was nothing like the sorts of girls he was used to dating. But there was something so breathtaking about the innocence in that cinnamon eye that told Sirius that there may be other benefits to this little ruse than just revenge.

"Beatrice," he said, remembering himself in time to slap a charming grin back on his face. "So glad you decided to come, love."

As he crossed the room towards her, he noticed the bewildered glance that the blond threw at her, but he thought it was just the glance of an envious friend. He did _not_ notice the flash of confusion in Beatrice's eye at his approach. So he did what came naturally to him at the sight of a beautiful woman.

He wrapped one arm around her waist, brought the other one up to the back of her head to caress her hair, and lifted her onto the balls of her feet to kiss her. She didn't respond, only stiffened in his arms, as his tongue slipped past her lips and rolled across her teeth and begged for entry—entry that he was _certain_ would be granted.

But what he got instead was a punch right across the face, dealt by a closed fist.

Incidentally, no one saw the paunchy little boy clutching a parchment walk unwittingly into the room.

"What the BLOODY HELL is wrong with you?!"

Sirius staggered backward at the shocking force from the girl's assault. He clapped his hands to his jaw and stared at the fuming brunette in utter horror. At some point in the flash of pain and surprise, the bangs that had been oh-so-adorably hiding her left eye were flipped out of the way, and now both bright brown eyes were practically burning with rage.

The raven-haired boy, still clutching his aching jaw, gasped, "What's wrong with _you?_ You just HIT me!"

"_You_ just kissed _me!"_

"I thought you _liked _me!"

The girl shook herself in exasperation. "I don't even KNOW you!"

And Sirius's pride was broken for the second time that day.

"Aren't you…" he began weakly, hand outstretched as if to support himself on a pillar that wasn't there, "…Beatrice Bleeker?"

The outrage in not-Beatrice's eyes seemed to increase ten-fold.

She held up a finger.

"I'm."

She pointed it at him.

"A."

She pointed at herself.

"BOY."

Only then was Sirius conscious of the fact that the blond girl standing behind not-Beatrice was laughing hysterically, bent double, with actual tears of mirth leaking from her eyes. Because he had kissed a boy. Inexplicably, inexcusably, he had pulled the boy into his arms and snogged him.

Suddenly, the girl-who-was-actually-a-boy gasped and whirled on his heel, dashing from the room in a black fluttering of robes. His cackling friend watched him go, immediately silenced in her laughter, cast Sirius an abruptly angry glare, and dashed after the brunet. Leaving Sirius, and the yet-unnoticed Peter Pettigrew, alone and shocked in the now-quiet classroom.

Sirius ran to the door and skidded outside, watching the pair disappear down the hall.

_No. _He figured this was what a spiraling descent into madness felt like. _No, that didn't really happen. She was too pretty to be a bloke. She was TOO PRETTY to be a BLOKE! Besides, _he thought desperately, _Sirius Black doesn't kiss boys. He just doesn't. I don't…I don't…!_

He turned to Peter so quickly that the smaller boy let out a squeak of terror. The raven-haired Gryffindor grasped his upper arms and rattled him back and forth hysterically. "I don't!" he gasped. "I don't!"

"O-Okay!" stammered Peter, not understanding but obviously scared for his life.

"NO, IT'S NOT OKAY!"

As if to emphasize this point, he snatched the parchment out of the paunchy little fellow's hands and simply ripped it into as many pieces as possible, right in front of his watering eyes. Peter whimpered and sank to his knees, hands clutching his head as he watched the little shreds of his masterpiece float to the floor.

James, followed by the actual Beatrice Bleeker—who was, in fact, a rather short and bubbly-looking fourth year with bouncy brown curls—chose that moment to waltz into the room, grinning with triumph. He stopped abruptly in his tracks at the sight of Sirius, whose eyes were wide with horror and whose nose was trickling blood, and little Peter Pettigrew, who was on the verge of exploding in tears. Both boys looked as though their lives, their livelihoods, their belief systems, their very worlds, were crashing down around them.

"Oi," James said brightly, breaking the silence. "What happened here?"

**TBC... **

* * *

Hmm...there sure were a lot of spaces between the lines...XP And run-on sentences, now that I look back. 

Hello, any readers that may be out there at this sinful hour of the morning--or whenever you might actually read this. If you actually read this. This is my second ever fanfic, so I hope you liked it, but if you detect any discrepancies or you have any thoughts or constructive criticism for it, please leave a review! Actually, I'd like you to leave a review anyways, because they make me feel good. :D No flames though, they hurt my soul.

Well, anyway, this was rather ambitious for me, taking on a romantic comedy aiming to involve the entire School of Witchcraft and Wizardry at some point or another. I'm actually kinda scared I can't do it...hahahaha. But I'll try if you people want me to! So please, feed my ego with your reviews!

Oh, and yes, if you happened to read my other fic, I managed to work in Dorcas again, didn't I? I hope she didn't sound like a Mary Sue--in any case, she's not after either of the protagonists' cute buns! And don't worry, Marlene's on her way! (Not that anyone cares, hehehe...)


	2. Rallying the Troops

**Disclaimer: **Still don't own it.

**Chapter Two: Rallying the Troops**

When she was younger, eleven perhaps, Dorcas Meadowes used to have slumber parties with her friends. Usually such parties would consist of wearing colorful pajamas, playing games, staying up late and eating chocolate. Well, she had been hoping to have another slumber party upon returning to England, for old time's sake, and she knew how much her lycanthropic best friend adored chocolate. So her first inclination just seemed to fit.

"My first kiss," mourned Remus, burying his head in her pillow.

Despite her friend's emotional pain, Dorcas couldn't help but giggle. "Well, at least you snagged a looker," she offered, petting his hair like a child would pet a rabbit. "_My_ first kiss was with that bug-eyed little kid who lived down the street from me when I was twelve, back in France. Pierre, I think his name was."

The werewolf's head shot up, revealing mussed hair and eyes that were red from forcibly held-back tears. "You _kissed _him?"

"I felt sorry for him because he was always getting turned down. Besides, what's it matter to you? You jealous?" She fluttered her eyelashes. "I thought you liked _boys._"

"I don't like _anyone!_" he snapped, throwing the pillow at her face. "It'd still be considerate of you to let me know when my best friend is getting kissed."

She hummed for a moment, thoughtfully. "Well," she said at last, "if it's any consolation to you…he didn't _French_ kiss me." A self-satisfied smirk spread across her face at her own pun.

Remus only groaned. "You're sure not making me feel any better."

The sound of the girls' dormitory door opening caused both of their heads to shoot up in surprise. A slim, red-haired girl flounced into the room, clutching a stack of books to her chest. She threw the books on her bedspread, which was the one across from Dorcas's, and flopped down beside them with an exaggerated sigh. She didn't even notice the two new students until a few prolonged moments later.

At that point, however, she sat up so quickly that Remus thought it would give her whiplash. "Hey!" she snapped. "No boys allowed!"

The two of them must have looked ridiculous, sprawled out on the bed amongst chocolate wrappers and butterbeer bottles. Dorcas was wearing a white t-shirt with a picture of a blue rabbit on the front, and checkered blue pajama pants. Her male companion was clad in green button-down pajamas, and currently looked embarrassed enough to die. After all, it was only five o'clock in the afternoon, and the two of them were well into a co-ed slumber party.

Dorcas grinned lazily at her friend. "Hear that, Lupin? At least _she_ can tell you're a boy."

"That's right," the redhead said curtly, reminiscent of a disapproving professor, "and I can also tell _you_ that I'm a prefect, so it would be best of you to get out of here before you get in some severe trouble."

"Relax, Red, he's not a pervert. He's just having some boy problems and needs a friendly ear and a mouthful of chocolate."

At this, the outrage in the redhead's dark green eyes softened into intrigued wariness. "Boy…problems?"

Ignoring Remus frantic gesticulations towards silence, Dorcas nodded and said, "He got tongued by Sirius Black."

A fantastic transformation came over the red-haired prefect girl. Rather than her face being contorted with the shock and disgust that Remus had been dreading, her features lit up with excitement and interest. She sat down beside them on the bed, jouncing them a bit. Even Dorcas looked surprised at her reaction.

"Really? What was it like?"

After a moment, the shock wore off, and the two old friends exchanged a glance. Then Dorcas grinned and picked up a bottle of butterbeer, popping the cap off and thrusting it at the girl. "Down one of these and we'll tell you all about it."

&&&

James Potter was by no means a stupid boy. He received good grades in his classes—as long as he was relatively interested in whatever they were learning—and he had the criminal intellect to concoct some of the most devious plans. But it didn't take any particular brains to see that Sirius Black was in a foul temper. The latter was sitting out on the stone steps outside of the school, soaking up the rain that poured down over him. There was no improvement in the weather since earlier that morning, and it looked as though Sirius was trying to drown himself in it.

So like a good friend, James had sat down beside him on the steps—with an umbrella, of course—and tried to talk him out of his gloom.

"So you kissed a boy. It's not the end of the world, is it?" he said with forced cheeriness.

Sirius glowered at him through his long, dripping wet hair. James shivered; he looked for all the world like Snivellus right then.

"Okay, so it's not great either. But it was an accident, right? From what you told me, he looked just like a girl, didn't he?"

"Yes," grumbled Sirius, burying his head in his hands.

"Then what's the big deal? I guarantee you this bloke isn't going to open his gab about this to anyone any time soon, and if that other girl you mentioned _does_, you can just deny it. In fact, I wager we can get Beatrice to testify in your defense. She'll just tell her friends you were with her at the time and—"

"TESTIFY?!"

James jumped at the rage in his best mate's voice.

"Why the hell would I have to _testify_, Jim?! It's not like I did anything _wrong, _I didn't _hurt_ the stupid little transgender brat, did I?!"

"N-no, I—"

"Then what's the big deal?" There was something hysterical about Sirius's tone of voice. "It was just like kissing a girl, only she punched me in the nose afterwards, and either way, it's not like a bird hasn't ever clocked a bloke in the face for snogging her before, though of course not _me,_ because _come on, _I'm _me,_ Sirius Black, and what girl in her right mind would—"

James cut off his histrionics by clapping a hand over his mouth.

"_Sirius." _He slowly removed his hand when he realized that his friend's mouth had stopped running, and tried to disregard the anger in his slate-gray eyes. "You need to calm down, mate. Alright? Just take a deep breath. It's not a big deal. You're making a mountain out of a molehill, as they say."

"A _molehill_ doesn't even begin to—"

His hand went up again warningly. "What I'm saying is that panicking isn't going to solve anything. What you're going to do when you see this boy again is you're gonna be a proper politician and apologize gracefully, ask for him not to mention it to anyone, and then _never speak to or of him again."_

Sirius sighed and nodded, if only to move this along. He was only just now aware of how cold and wet it was out here, and what a stupid place he had chosen to brood.

"And what you're going to do _now,_" continued James, a smile sliding across his face, "is you're going to go in there, get some Firewhiskey in your system, find a nice, bosomy lass, and invite her for a little game of tonsil hockey."

Rolling his eyes, Sirius nodded again. This was just James's way of trying to make him feel better, and as silly as it all sounded, he appreciated it…on some level. In any case, he wasn't so sure he was up for "tonsil-hockey" that night, but he could do with a glass or two of the Firewhiskey. It was a rare treat they allowed themselves, because getting caught with alcohol in Hogwarts was a highly punishable offense.

He got tiredly to his feet and patted James on the shoulder. "Okay, Jim, let's go."

"Alright!"

Alas, however, there was none of the tantalizing drink to be found in their secret stash. Upon returning to the Gryffindor Common Room, they remembered that all of their Firewhiskey had been drunk that one night after a particularly rowdy Quidditch victory party a couple of weeks ago, which had left the entire Gryffindor house hung over the next morning. But Sirius knew where else to find it.

"Reggie."

The young second year by the name of Regulus Black looked up at the sound of his elder brother's call. He bore a bit of a resemblance to Sirius, in that he had jet black hair and pale gray eyes, but that was more or less where the similarities ended. His hair was shorter and his eyes large, heavily-lidded and generally dazed-looking. He was also tiny, even for a second year. He had been on his way to the Slytherin Common Room when his brother called him, and he looked up to see the fifth year Gryffindor leaning casually against the wall, with the bespectacled boy that always followed him around standing beside him.

Regulus glanced around carefully before scurrying over. He knew perfectly well that speaking with Gryffindors was frowned upon by both his house and his family, even if it _was_ his brother he was talking to. "What?" he snapped.

"We need you to get us some Firewhiskey."

Regulus flared indignantly. "No way! You get your own. Besides, I don't _have_ any. I'm _twelve,_ remember?"

"Sure, _you_ don't, but I know for certain some of your upperclassmen slime-balls have some hidden away. And you're always noticing things that are really none of your business, so I bet _you_ know where to find it."

"Do not."

"Come _on_, little brother," pleaded Sirius, leaning down so that he was about level with the boy. He put on his best pout—the kind that made the girls swoon and everyone else bend to his every whim. "Don't hold out on us. You wouldn't leave your big bro standing out here, dying of thirst, would you?"

Regulus glared, ready to argue that Firewhiskey wasn't good for quenching thirst and that using your little brother to get you alcohol was extortion. But when all was said and done, somewhere deep down, hidden behind the dignified and heavy pride of being a Black, he _desperately_ craved his estranged brother's approval. Not that he would admit it. Sirius knew it perfectly well, anyways.

So he sighed. "Alright. Alright. Wait here." And he moved away to enter the Slytherin Common Room.

Pout sliding from his face, Sirius straightened up and exchanged a wink with James. "Little brothers are so easy."

&&&

By the time she had finished her third butterbeer, Lily Evans, as she had introduced herself to the two new Gryffindors, was perfectly red in the face, giggling, hiccupping, and sprawled out on the bed. In other words, she was perfectly _drunk_.

Remus picked up one of the empty bottles and stared at in shock. "You know, Lily," he said, confoundedly, "I don't think there's any alcohol in this."

_Hiccup._ "Whaddayamean?" she slurred.

Remus and Dorcas looked at each other, then back at her. "Nothing."

"Okay," she said happily, then turned over on her stomach. "You know, I don' think I ever told an'body this…but I've never kissed a boy b'fore." As she spoke, she popped a chocolate into her mouth, hiccupped, and swallowed.

"Well, until today, neither had I," replied Remus wryly.

"An' with Sirius Black, too!" the redhead said in amazement. "I would've _loved_ to see th' look on his face when he realized…realized that he'd kissed a _boy…_well, that would've positively made my day."

Dorcas smiled knowingly. "You have some sour history with him, then?"

"Gods, _no!"_ Lily looked aghast at the thought. "Didn' I just _say_ I never kissed a boy before? No, no. Tha's not to say he hasn't _tried_ to get me before…" She paused and seemed to consider things for a moment. "He's awful good-looking, though, 'ent he? Unlike that…that _Potter."_

"What potter?" asked Remus, raising an eyebrow.

"_JAMES_ Potter, of course!" The self-induced drunkenness suddenly ebbed to reveal serious, furious, and perfectly sober green eyes. "Why, that little numbskull, that weasel, that wretch…ever since second year he's been pestering me to go out with him. Every time I say no—which is all the time, mind you—he just shrugs it off and goes off to play with his stupid friends, acting as though he's too good for _any_ woman! Well, I'll tell _you—"_

Only then did she seem to fully realize how intently the other two were watching her. Color flooded to her pale cheeks, and she dropped the empty bottle in hand.

"I am…_so_ sorry," she gasped.

Dorcas simply laughed, slinging an arm around the prefect's shoulders. "Don't be, Red. You're an interesting character, did you know that? In fact, I could see you hanging out with us more often. _You_ clearly don't get to vent enough."

Embarrassed, Lily pulled away from the one-armed embrace. "No, no, thank you," she muttered, tucking her long red hair behind one of her ears. "I'm far too busy with my Prefect duties, and I'm afraid I've made a total fool out of myself just now." She laughed, and tried to hide the embarrassed tears threatening to spill from her eyes. "I meant it, though. I would love to see him…the both of them, that Black and Potter…I would love to see them just get what's coming to them. I'd love to be the one who gives them their comeuppance."

The next voice that spoke was not familiar.

"You can."

Remus, Dorcas and Lily all looked towards the doorway, where a figure had been standing all that time, completely unnoticed.

"Who…?" asked Remus, trailing off in confusion.

The girl stepped forwards, into the relative light of the dormitory. The light spilling through the windows illuminated her olive skin, her short, business-like black hair, and her intelligent black eyes. Her hands were on her hips, and she was studying them thoughtfully.

"My name is Marlene McKinnon," she said, smiling thinly. "And if it's revenge you want, I'm your woman."

**TBC...  
**

* * *

...What the HELL was THAT? 

Well, I'll tell you. I was so fueled by the thrill of reviews--cuz I'm a shameless review junkie--that I just sat down and started writing. And this..._abomination_ is what came from it. I mean, Lily was drunk! And off of _what?_ I know for sure that didn't make sense. But it kinda worked, so I'm leaving it. And for some reason, I adore Regulus, so I think I'm gonna incorporate him some more later, as the innocent-but-not-so-innocent-little-brother-type.

Remus sure was a girl in this chapter, wasn't he? XD

Ah, geez...should I even put this up? I don't know. It's the crackiest thing I've ever written, and I don't even know what that means. Though I only just realized that I forgot to mention--if you somehow haven't realized already--that this is kinda sorta AU, as in I'm perfectly aware that the Marauders formed well before this in the books, but my muse has no respect for the rules, so...yeah. Please don't bother telling me that, anyways. I tried to write it on the other chapter, but I can't for the life of me figure out HOW to edit a chapter without tearing it down first.

Well, I promise you there will be RemusSirius interaction in the next chapter, even if it isn't the fluffy-cutesy-makes-slash-lovers-go-SQUEE kinda interaction I want to write. I'll get there eventually. So please, don't abandon me. Leave a review, please, please, please, and convince me I'm not just writing worthless nonsense...Thanks! Bye!


	3. Confrontation Initiation

** Disclaimer: **Still not mine...

**Chapter Three: Confrontation Initiation  
**

The two girls and their male guest watched apprehensively as Marlene approached the bed. There was a barely detectable swagger in her step, and the no-nonsense glint in her shrewd black eyes told them that she had not been joking with her proposal of vengeance. As she came closer, it became clear that she was rather small, perhaps a head shorter than the others, but at the same time, she commanded the room with her presence.

"I'm sorry," Remus ventured after a moment, cautiously. "But what…what do you mean?"

She crossed her arms over her chest when she reached the end of the bed, her smirk intact. "You said you wanted revenge on Sirius Black and James Potter. Didn't you?"

"Y-yes," Lily said nervously. "We said that, but…we…"

"But nothing. If you want something, you _take_ it."

Dorcas shivered, but no one noticed.

Marlene turned suddenly to Remus. "So, Mr…Lupin, was it? What do you say? Do you want revenge? I assure you, it is within your capabilities. At least, with my assistance it is. I can make it happen."

"…What's the catch?" asked Lily warily, eying the newcomer. It looked as though her inherent prefect nature was conflicting with her thirst for vengeance.

Marlene threw her dark gaze in the redhead's direction. "No catch. I, too, have wanted to give those two spoilt little pureblood pests a taste of their own medicine for a long time. But I know enough not to take them on by myself. However stupid the two of them might look, they're both _crafty_ little devils." She paused, looked over the three of them analytically, and smiled knowingly. "You look like capable people, though."

"Well," said Remus, with a weak smile of his own. "Marlene…we really appreciate your offer to help us, but I think that the three of us may be better off taking care of this on our own." The fact of the matter was that this girl's professional attitude of talking about these things—almost like a hired killer—scared him. As a new student, one with a dark secret at that, he figured that the last thing he needed was a bad reputation.

Disappointment flickered in those black eyes. "Alright," she said reluctantly. "I understand. But if you change your mind, let me know. I've been considering this a long time. Frankly, I think you would need my help." And with a nod, she turned to go.

All of a sudden, Dorcas, who had been silent for the duration of the conversation, lunged forward and grabbed her by the sleeve, effectively jerking her to a halt. Marlene whipped around in surprise.

"Wait!" the blond shouted—which really wasn't necessary, since there was less than three feet between them. She caught herself, and grinned embarrassedly. "Wait a second, will you? Just…wait right there."

Marlene watched in befuddlement as Dorcas released her sleeve and ushered Remus and Lily over to the other side of the room.

"Cassie, what on Earth…?"

"Listen," she hissed. "I think we ought to ask her if we can sit with her for breakfast tomorrow and talk it over."

Remus looked shocked. "Cassie, you can't possibly be considering going along with this. This girl looks serious—like she might actually be plotting to kill them!"

"I'm not saying we have to go along with it. I'm just saying it might be a good way to…to make a new friend, you know? We didn't have anywhere to sit _today_, after all, so maybe if we ask—"

"I'd let you sit with me," Lily piped up. But Dorcas ignored her, imploring Remus with her eyes. Somewhere in the back of his mind, it registered how strange it was that she was taking such a deep interest in this girl, but he wasn't all that concerned with it. He was too worried about everything else that had happened that day to pay it any particular mind.

"Alright," the lycanthrope sighed. "But I don't like it."

A white smile cleared the pleading look off of her face, and she patted him on the cheek approvingly. "Good call," she said with a wink. Then she straightened up and towed the two of them back towards Marlene, who had been shifting from foot to foot uncomfortably where they had left her.

"Ahem." Dorcas grinned. "After much discussion and deliberation, Miss McKinnon, the three of us have decided that this matter…needs _more_ discussion and deliberation."

Marlene blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Well, you see, I'm _all_ for the idea," the blond went on, wagging her hand at her two other companions dismissively, "but this pair needs a bit more convincing. So I figured maybe we could meet you tomorrow morning, and go into greater detail about this over breakfast?"

A brief silence ensued, in which Dorcas steadfastly kept up her cheerful expression, and Marlene looked her up and down, almost suspiciously. "Alright," she said at last.

"Spectacular!" Dorcas clapped her hands together jubilantly. "Say, seven-thirtyish? So we have time to talk, of course."

"…Sounds good." Still eying her wonderingly, the dark-haired girl nodded once more and turned to leave. It was only after the door was closed and the sounds of her footsteps had receded down the staircase into the Common Room that Remus blinked and turned to the tall blond.

"Seven-thirty? Classes start at nine, Cassie!"

She scowled right back at him. "_So?"_

"_So_ you've never been up early if you could help it since I've met you."

"Well, I'd say this is a good place to start cleaning up my act, wouldn't you?" She ruffled his hair and collapsed back onto her bed. "Relax, Lupin. Have another butterbeer, while you're at it. This is a slumber party, remember?"

She was answered with a small rumbling sound, emitted from somewhere deep in Lily's stomach. She wrapped her arms around her middle, promptly turning as red as her hair.

Dorcas snickered.

"Maybe _you_ should lay off for a while, though, Evans."

Remus couldn't help but laugh too, as the red-headed prefect mumbled, "I think that would be for the best."

&&&

By the next morning, the dismal weather that had seemingly rolled in out of thin air over the castle had rolled right out again, leaving in its wake a stretch of pale blue sky that contrasted pleasantly against the warm red, orange and brown of the autumn foliage. It was colder that day, however, and so, coupled with the fact that breakfast was in full swing and everyone was hungry, scarce a student could be found out on the grounds.

Sirius groaned at the general din in the air as he and James stepped into the great Hall. No magic could cure the agonizing effects of a hang-over…or perhaps it was just karma. Either way he had a pounding headache, and his friend was not much better off.

"I'm telling you, mate, the bottles were poisoned," James moaned. "That brother of yours told his Slytherin buddies about us and the wankers gave us poison."

"It's alcohol, Jim," he hissed. "It _always_ feels like this afterwards."

Both boys glared at each other blearily across the table before groaning again and letting their heads drop into their arms in unison.

James was the first to be broken from his mood by the sound of a loud giggle. His head shot up, and he clapped his hands to his temples reflexively to ease the ache pounding within them.

"Who the hell is laughing so damn loud?" grumbled Sirius, without looking up.

James smiled dreamily, for about twelve seats down from him at the grand Gryffindor table sat the object of his affections, a certain petite young red-haired witch by the name of Lily Evans, who was currently clapping her hand over her lips to stifle her loud giggles. She had obviously not noticed the two boys, as the table was crowded and there was a considerable amount of people between them. "That, my friend, is the laugh of an angel."

Sirius snorted, and dared look up from the dark comforts of his arms. "I thought no one had 'quite caught your fancy as of yet', mate?" he asked, wryly.

"Evans is different," insisted James, not tearing his eyes from the redhead. "That's sacred territory. There's no going there, mate."

"Are you sure you're not just saying that because she's turned you down every time?"

"That might have a little something to do with it. But the fact remains…" He trailed off at that point, and a tiny frown furrowed his brow.

"What's wrong, Jim?" Sirius asked, noticing the subtle change. When James didn't answer, his compatriot sighed and followed his gaze to the redhead. Understanding dawned when he saw that she was busy talking with another boy, and that apparently they were getting along a little too well for James's taste.

He heard James grumble bitterly. "Who's _that_ prat?"

But Sirius's breath hitched.

He _recognized_ 'that prat'.

The boy whose mouth he had unintentionally violated the day before was sitting on the far side of Lily Evans from where they were seated. He hadn't noticed their presence either, and seemed to be alternating between chatting with her, nibbling on his breakfast, and studying a large leather-bound book which was spread out on the table beside his plate.

"Oh, God, James," he whispered frantically. "_That's_ the one!"

"Huh?"

"_That's_ the bloke that I mistook for Beatrice Bleeker yesterday! That's him!"

James glanced at his friend, then back at the brunet boy with a confused expression. "Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure, Jim! Don't you think I would recognize the boy I'd _snogged?_"

"First he snogs my best mate, and _now_ he's making breakfast conversation with my _woman?_" James said, outraged. "Well, then, don't just sit there! Confront the little weasel!"

Before he had time to panic or change his mind, Sirius found himself being dragged up from his seat by the arm and shoved forcibly down the table towards the unsuspecting duo. Then James gave him a final, deciding shove, which left him standing alone behind Remus and Lily.

Lily fell immediately silent, and her eyes widened with anger and distrust as she stared up at him from where she sat. Remus, noticing the sudden quiet from the chatty redhead, blinked, and turned slowly.

The two boys' eyes locked onto each other.

Sirius was left wordless by those large copper eyes—now filled with disbelief—once again. He imagined James standing a short distance away, waiting impatiently for him to chew this effeminate boy out, but those reddish-brown eyes doused his anger like a dash of ice water. He simply couldn't understand it. And so the most coveted and handsome young man in all of Gryffindor stood gaping like a fish before the new student from France.

But Remus was the first to snap out of the mutual daze; he narrowed his eyes darkly. "Yes? What is it?" His words were polite, but his tone was daggers.

"Err…got a moment?" Sirius rubbed the back of his neck anxiously. "I think I ought to talk to you…alone."

"Lupin." The black-haired girl sitting across the table from Remus (alongside a blond who looked angry for being interrupted in the middle of very engaging conversation with her) spoke up coldly. Sirius glanced over at her and had a vague feeling of familiarity. He also could not miss the absolute hatred emanating from her—hatred pointed in his direction. "Don't go with him."

Remus paused and nodded, then turned back to Sirius. "Anything you have to say to me, you can say in front of my friends."

Sirius grinned weakly at the girls, who met his grin with glares, and sighed. "I'd really prefer to talk to you alone."

After studying him for a moment, the smaller boy seemed to relent a little. He glanced over at the dark-haired girl, as if seeking approval, but found that she was not looking at him—rather, her gaze was pinned accusatorily on Sirius. Remus looked back and eyed him warily, then seemed to relent. "Alright." He got up from the table, ignoring a growl from Marlene and the questioning stares from both Lily and Dorcas.

No one paid any special attention to the two boys as they made their way up through the tables and out of the Great Hall. Once in the relative privacy of the corridor, Remus stopped short and crossed his arms. "I'm guessing this has something to do with yesterday," he said flatly.

"Yes, actually." Sirius took a deep breath. "Listen, I…don't snog boys. At least not intentionally. No offense or anything, but I…I thought you were a girl."

"That much I gathered. Can I go back to breakfast, then?"

Sirius inwardly groaned. Clearly this boy was not going to make apologizing _easy_ for him. So he combed his fingers through his hair casually and smiled. "Ah…listen. My name's Sirius. Sirius Black."

"I know." Dorcas had asked around the day before, after the bizarre little encounter, and had not had much trouble learning the name of the biggest playboy in Gryffindor. "If you must know, my name's Remus Lupin."

"Right. _Remus._" The taller of the two cleared his throat, and waited awkwardly for a pair of Hufflepuffs to pass them by before continuing. "I'm…sorry about the whole business."

Remus frowned. "You know, it seems to me, _Sirius_, that even if I _was_ a girl, it still isn't exactly good form to just go up to someone and do a thing like that."

"I know, I know. It's complicated." In any case, the raven-haired Gryffindor couldn't help but look chagrined. "But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Oh?"

"Truthfully, I meant to ask you a favor."

A raised eyebrow on Remus's part. Some section of his mind warned him against hearing the taller Gryffindor out. After all, considering what had happened between them, who was he to be asking favors? And yet Sirius looked so sincere. His hair was pulled back into a short and tidy ponytail to reveal eyes gray eyes that were hopeful, sheepish and tired…and a stunning gray color…

Remus shook off the impulse to blush. "And what is that?"

"That you…wouldn't mention any of this to anyone. Uh, please."

Remus snorted. "Naturally."

"What was that?"

"Well, it's not as though I would be bragging about it to anyone. It wasn't the proudest moment of my life."

He looked immensely relieved. "So you…haven't told anybody?"

"Well…"

The relief vanished. "Well? Well, what?"

Now it was Remus's turn to look uneasy. "There are a few people who know."

"…A few…_Who?"_ Whatever charm there had been to Sirius's sleep-deprived face had evaporated, leaving behind a mixture of horror and impending wrath. Remus felt the need to take a step back, but he suppressed it and carefully willed his startled features into a frown.

"I doesn't matter _who._ They won't tell anyone."

"Evans is one of them, isn't she? Oh, that's just perfect. She won't keep her mouth shut about it for long, that's certain. That nosy little prefect has had it in for us for Merlin knows how long!" He hadn't seemed to have heard Remus, a fact that really grated on the brunet boy's nerves.

"I told you, they won't—"

"Who else? Those other two, who were sitting with you, right? Ha—_they_ look like they _adore_ me, there's no problem ensuring that _they _keep quiet!"

The sarcasm that had been dripping from the silver-eyed boy's voice was what snapped the taut string that had been Remus's patience. "Well, if you're not going to listen," he huffed, "then I'd say we have nothing more to talk about." And with that he stormed back towards the doors of the Great Hall, leaving Sirius fuming indignantly in his wake.

"Wait!"

&&&

Marlene couldn't for the life of her understand how so much chatter could come from the mouth of one girl. However hard she tried to keep track of the mostly one-sided conversation, the blonde's words slipped through one ear and out the other like quicksilver. And it was difficult granting the chatty girl her full attention when the thought of Lupin consorting with the enemy was plaguing her every moment. Since the pair had left the Great Hall, she found her eyes drifting back to the open doors that they had left through. Dorcas, on the other hand, couldn't bring herself to shut her mouth. Try as she might to find a decent point to end her spoken stream of thought, she just couldn't stop the flow of words. Something about Marlene just reeled the words out of her like fish on a line. She wasn't even all that concerned about Remus, even though normally she would probably right around the corner watching him like a hawk.

"…So I guess I just can't imagine someone being able to see the future if it hasn't even happened yet, since even if you did, it'd be the present when you saw it, and they always say that time's an illusion…" she was saying, too-cheerfully and too-quickly.

"GERROFF!"

The blond and the dark-haired girl's heads, as well as those of almost everyone else in the vicinity, looked up sharply at the angry cry from the door. There a scuffle seemed to be erupting between two boys. Dorcas brought her hand to her head and sighed—she recognized them. And she was not particularly surprised.

"I said _get off!"_ Remus was tugging his arm free from the taller Gryffindor, but Sirius made a grab for the other arm determinedly. Remus swung back and backhanded the raven-haired boy in the face and was scrambling away when Sirius snarled and lunged, knocking the both of them to the floor. The pair became an amalgam of flailing limbs and yelps and angry kicks.

"Just _listen, _you prat!" snarled Sirius, managing to shove Remus to the floor and hold him there. He dimly registered the students at the surrounding tables, who were laughing and egging them on with cries of 'fight, fight, fight'. He was currently more puzzled by the horrified expression on Remus's face. And then he realized why. Sirius was straddling the smaller boy, his hands pinning thin wrists to the ground. To anyone else, it looked like Sirius was simply using his greater strength to his advantage in the fight. But for the two boys…

The heat in his face quadrupled. But it was embarrassment—and something else—rather than anger heating it.

He tried to speak, choked, and swallowed. "Uh…You—"

Suddenly he was being yanked into the air by the collar of his shirt, and forcibly turned around. He caught a glimpse of burning black eyes before a fist cracked across his face and he landed on the floor on his rump.

"You _leave him be,_" snarled Marlene, looming over him. Frail-seeming as she was, she was a frightening sight to behold. Remus sighed in relief, and Dorcas was at his side in an instant, fussing and brushing him off. It seemed that protective-friend mode had finally kicked in.

A blood-curdling shriek followed, and the mass of brown curls that was Beatrice Bleeker flashed by, leveling Marlene flat to the floor. Sirius was thanking Merlin for crazed fangirls—if there was one thing they were good for, it was coming to the rescue.

The cheers increased tenfold, at least from the male part of the audience, as the two girls struggled violently on the floor, and even Sirius was throwing not-so-discreet glances their way as he rubbed at his bleeding nose. Remus was looking nervous, and pushed himself to his feet as if making to coax them apart, but their fighting was so ferocious that he reconsidered. As for Dorcas; she looked absolutely smitten with the petite dark-haired creature that was currently assailing Beatrice's face with rough, unforgiving knuckles.

"That is e_nough!"_

A collective cringe rattled through the crowd like a ripple on a pond, and even the most enraptured of the girls' admirers tore their eyes away from the spectacle to fearfully match the stern gray gaze of one Professor Minerva McGonagall. She marched with ruthless efficiency down the Hall toward the scuffle. And with long, narrow fingers, she reached down and pried the girls away, lifting them to their feet while they continued to swing their fists wildly at each other and miss by inches.

Surprise flickered in her eyes before she trained her expression back to sternness. Obviously when a fight began in the Great Hall, the source could be traced to the Slytherin House and the Gryffindor House. But Gryffindor and Ravenclaw? "What on Earth is going on here?"

"She started it," yelped Beatrice in outrage. "She hit Sirius, and I was just trying to help him! But then she started hitting _me!"_

"BULLSHIT!"

Color flooded from McGonagall's face and then rushed back in red anger at Marlene's coarse language. Marlene ripped herself from the professor's vice of a grip, and tightened her fist. Beatrice stumbled, expecting to be the target of said fist, but Marlene swung her arm out and pointed her finger accusatorily at Sirius.

"This boy, Sirius Orion Black, has been terrorizing the female population of Hogwarts for years!" she roared. Sirius waggled his fingers weakly at the stunned onlookers, trying to look dashing despite the blood dribbling down his face from his nose. Marlene simply ignored this. "And now," she went on, sweeping her hand in Remus's direction, "he has made this innocent young _man_ the object of his harassment as well!"

Remus turned pink.

Sirius turned white.

Dorcas cringed.

McGonagall's eyes widened.

And while those of the crowd that were too far away to see and hear all continued to chatter quietly and shove for a view, those closer to the spectacle had fallen silent in pure horrified shock.

Marlene reached down and tugged Remus roughly to his feet. She grabbed his hand and held it high in the air with her own. And she shouted her rallying cry.

"As of this day, this is _war_!"

And while inwardly, Remus mourned the passing of his opportunity for a peaceful, normal life at the new school, Sirius felt bile rushing to his throat. His reputation had just been flushed down the drain like that fish James gave him in first year for his birthday. And suddenly he felt like joining Scrappy in fish heaven.

He gagged, and in moments, the little breakfast he had eaten that morning was all over McGonagall's shoes.

** TBC...**

* * *

Hi again! This chapter was late coming compared to the last one, wasn't it? Ehehe... Oh well. As promised, there was an iddy-biddy-bit of Sirius/Remus interaction, but not really the good kind...As a matter of fact, there was more Dorcas/Marlene than anything, wasn't there? Also as promised! -indicates story summary where it says MMDM- 

Anyway. Thanks to Riku-Rocks, xelloss, Caitlin, emuroo, werewitch, JewelValentine, Just a person, bluudyrabbitofportland, rekahneko, Nyx-Trace and anyone else I may have missed who reviewed. To answer emuroo's question, they're in their fifth year, and just for JewelValentine, they're not actually OC's, since everyone--err, except the ex-girlfriend and Beatrice, I think--was mentioned in the books, however briefly. Please continue to review! There's no greater high. Though I have a nagging little fear that any updates to this story will be few and far in between, considering the fact that I've just realized...I got nuthin'. 00 But if inspiration strikes, I'll be there!

See yaaaa!


	4. Tension Breaks

**Disclaimer:** Believe me, if I owned it, you'd be the first to know. But I don't.

**Chapter Four: Tension Breaks**

_Day Five._

_My attempts at assimilation have, thus far, been unsuccessful. As I had been expecting, my schoolmates have not taken well to me, though it is not, as I had also been expecting, because of my once-a-month lupine…tendencies. It seems that I have become embroiled in Marlene McKinnon's personal plot for revenge—in other words, since that unpleasant episode in the Great Hall three days ago, I have developed a reputation throughout school for being Sirius Black's most recent main squeeze. But surely this won't last…_

_Right?_

Dawn broke on the horizon. All the colors of the sunrise danced along the surface of the great lake and set the grounds aflame. Sunlight slid in through the drapes and across the dormitory, scanning the peaceful faces of its slumbering occupants as it went along.

The first bed the light touched was Marlene's; the little rabble-rouser was tucked neatly under her covers, eyes shut to the world, her glasses folded and waiting patiently on her bedside table. Next along was Lily's bed; despite the precision and accuracy with which she conducted her life, she was a lump beneath a tangle of sheets and blankets. One pale leg dangled off the side of the mattress, and a pillow was clutched over her head with one hand while the other fisted itself in a mess of red hair.

Several others were visited in the course of the light's path, until at the end of the dormitory it alighted on Dorcas Meadowes' four-poster. She was curled on her side, the usual cunning smirk gone from her face, and in its stead was a calm, innocent smile, like a child's. Her hair was spread like a halo over her pillow, and at the touch of the sun it shimmered yellow-gold. If one didn't know her personally, one might have looked at her and said, "My, she could be an angel!" Of course, only if one didn't know her.

Slowly her eyes flickered open, and she smiled. Another beautiful day! Their stay at Hogwarts had so far been blessed by spectacular weather. She stretched out her arms and legs with a little sigh of happiness.

And suddenly she realized she was not alone.

"MERLIN!" she yelped, struggling to escape the hold of whatever creature clung around her middle. Whatever it was, it too cried out in surprise—and they toppled over the side of the bed and hit the floor hard.

"Owww," Remus groaned. He sat up, rubbing his head. He looked down at Dorcas, who was sprawled beneath him on the floor. "Honestly, Cassie. Do you have to be so rough in the morning?"

In one practiced movement, Dorcas swung herself up into a sitting position and slapped him hard upside the head, causing him to rub it again. "As if it was _my_ fault, you little son-of-a-wolf!" she snarled. "Lupin, I thought we had agreed that you were going to be a _big _boy and sleep in your own bed?!"

He shushed her, glanced around the room, and then looked chagrined. "I know," he said miserably. "But, I…I just couldn't."

She huffed. At last she got to her feet, and, grudgingly, helped him to his. "You're gonna have to face the other boys sometime, Lupin," she said. "This is the fourth night you've slept in the girl's dormitory! Frankly, I'm getting sick of having to piggyback your arse up the stairs."

Remus cringed. The truth was that, with the spell placed on the girl's dormitory stairs preventing males from entering on their own, Dorcas had had to carry him piggyback-style to the room every night so far. Evidently the stairs didn't recognize his presence as long as this was done. Remus was lightweight and Dorcas was a strong girl, so it wasn't a real issue, but it _was_ a bit emasculating to be carried around like that.

"I thought you left after getting your trunk, though," she said, equal-parts angry and curious. "How'd you get back in here?"

Remus stared abashedly at the floor.

She sighed. "You never even left, did you?"

"I was going to!" he insisted.

"You just chickened out and waited by the door till I was asleep, then."

"…Basically." He gave her a timid smile; she did not look amused.

"Lupin, you can't keep this up. Eventually, we're gonna get caught! What do you think the other girls will think of us if I keep sneaking a boy into the dorm, hmm?"

A sudden rustle came from the bed next to theirs, and a flash of green shot out from the curtains enclosing the four-poster bed. The green, turning out to be a plush pillow, bounced off of Dorcas's head. She whipped around and glowered at the bed. "Oi!"

"Would you two mind _being quiet?_" A head of mussed brown hair popped out from the curtains, fixing the two of them with a stern gaze. "It's barely past dawn. I'm trying to _sleep."_

"Mind your own business, Emmeline," Dorcas spat. "We're trying to have a conversation!"

"Well, have a conversation with your little refugee boyfriend someplace else."

"Emuri-chan," a high-pitched voice squealed from the other side of the room. A girl in pink pajamas bounced over to her bed and scrambled under the curtains. Emmeline swore and retracted her head, shouting angrily, while the intruder giggled loudly and made quite a commotion within. After a short scuffle behind the curtains, Emmeline reappeared, looking annoyed, with the other girl grinning beside her.

"Ohayo gozaimasu," the intruder said cheerfully. Remus noted the way she seemed to stretch certain syllables to the point where her words rung in the ears of everyone in the immediate vicinity. She was a skinny young woman of Asian descent—Remus didn't understand the language she spoke, but, when introductions were made, Emmeline had huffily explained that it was Japanese. After all, he could only go so long staying illegitimately in the girl's dormitory without meeting all five that resided there.

"Good morning, Manami," Remus and Dorcas said wearily, in unison. Manami grinned and tipped her head, long black braids flopping over her shoulders.

Emmeline rolled her eyes. "There's no way I'm getting back to sleep now. The two of you are raising hell with your yakking, and now you've woken Energy-Central." She glared meaningfully at Manami.

Manami looked affronted. "Shitsurei ne, Emuri-chan!"

"Stop it! We're in England—speak English!"

She shrugged. "Gomenasai. Wakarimasen," she said mournfully. With a smirk, she added, "No supeeku Engurishu."

Emmeline let out a cry of frustration and shoved the Japanese girl out of her bed. The curtains jerked shut with a flourish.

Manami sat up and blinked at the closed curtains, then turned and winked at the pair. "Saa, nemui desu. Shichi-ji ni okimasu. Ja mata!" She stood up, stretched extravagantly, and then flounced back to her bed, diving under the covers like a child during a thunderstorm. She settled against the pillow and, seemingly instantly, she was asleep.

Remus and Dorcas exchanged a glance.

"Do you think that girl really can't speak English, or if she's just messing with us?" Remus whispered.

"If she couldn't speak English, what would she be doing in a primarily English school? Plus, if I had an excuse like a language-gap to mess with Emmeline, I sure as Hell would use it." Dorcas shook her head. "C'mon. We don't have to get up till seven." She rolled back into her four-poster, easily taking up all of the space with her limbs spread out as they were.

Remus wavered uncertainly at the end of the bed.

Dorcas opened one eye, rolled it, closed it, and scooted over. "Get in."

With a sheepish smile, her companion curled up beside her, and she drew the covers over them both.

"But you're sleeping in your own bed tonight," she said drowsily, before they both drifted asleep.

&&&

_Day Five._

_Five days since my reputation went down the drain._

_Well, really, that's an exaggeration. When you've grown up with a reputation like mine, it takes more than a gender-nonspecific exchange student and five days to screw it up. Nonetheless, that Remus Lupin has made life a lot more difficult around here._

"Oi, Siri!"

That voice among all others caught Sirius's ear as he made his way down the hall to the Potions classroom. He paused and turned his head in time to see James skid to a halt just behind him.

_Of course, James has had the job of making life difficult down pat long before Lupin came along._

"Hey, Jim," he said, smiling lazily at his friend. "What's going on?"

James grinned and clapped him hard on the shoulder. "Nothing's 'going on'," he said. "Does a fellow need an excuse to walk to Potions with his best mate in the whole world?"

"I thought you stalked Evans in the halls between Charms and Potions."

James' smile lost some of its luster. "She's in the library," he admitted.

"Still banned, are you?"

A sigh. "…Yes."

"Ah, that explains it, then."

James frowned. "How about we just get to class before we're late again?" He swept off irritably, but Sirius just laughed and padded after him.

After a while, the bespectacled boy glanced over at him. "Planning to confront that Lupin fellow today, Siri?" he asked, feigning nonchalance. The truth was that he, as well as the entire student body, had been on pins and needles waiting for either one of the boys to make a move. Since the incident in the Great Hall, a number of rumors concocted by Hogwarts' best gossipers had spread like wildfire through the halls, but no actual affirmation had been made--neither Sirius nor Remus could be made to address the situation, and Marlene was regarded, as always, as the school's psychopathic malcontent, so no one really took her seriously. As for Sirius having lost his breakfast all over the Headmistress's shoes; McGonagall seemed surprisingly sympathetic, and the rest of the students seemed to pass it off as a knee-jerk reaction.

After all, who wouldn't have vomited, under the circumstances?

Sirius frowned. "...Possibly," he said cryptically.

"You're going to have to do it sometime, Sirius," James reminded him. "Better sooner than later!"

"_That_ from the school's most notorious procrastinator?"

"You're changing the subject." James sighed and placed a hand on his friend's shoulder as they rounded the corner into the Potions hallway. "This whole misunderstanding's _got_ to be settled, and since Potions is the only class that you, I and this Lupin character share, I figure that it's only sensible to do it then."

"Oh, bull, Jim. You just want to be there to watch."

"True enough." James cackled, drawing the attention of every one near enough to hear him. Sirius sighed, but he couldn't help but smile.

_Oh well. If someone's gotta make things harder for you, it might as well be your best mate. _

& & &

_Day Five._

_The plan has been put into effect, but the reaction of the student population has been less-than-satisfactory. Where is the uproar? Where is the rebellion? The social uprising? The hierarchal reestablishment? Perhaps this is too much to ask for in such a short span of time, but, blast it all, when one has been waiting as long as I have to invoke revenge on that damned Sirius Black and his partner James Potter, one would be impatient, too. Of course, it makes me nervous, not being able to keep an eye on Lupin constantly--after all, if Black should confront him when neither Dorcas nor myself are around...what should happen then?_

Dodging through a crowd of snickering Slytherins, Marlene trotted down the corridor for her Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson. The stares didn't bother her, not really. She was used to them by now, being the sort of odd ball that she was. Her stream of consciousness continued undaunted as she rounded the corner.

_  
And as for Dorcas Meadowes. What a bizarre girl. Perfectly friendly, but talks enough for three people and never seems to be entirely aware of her surroundings. But then, she does have the typical air of an artist. And in my experience, artists have always been a little...fluttery._

Suddenly she stumbled, throwing out an arm to brace herself against the wall as she just barely missed colliding head-on with another student. The boy who strode passed her, barely sparing her the most inconsequential of glances, was tall, handsome, with long, nearly white-blond hair. He was a regal sight to behold. The two burly, stocky fellows who marched after him were comically dissimilar to him. Marlene watched them go, and felt a chill in her stomach. The kind that told her she would remember this moment in times to come.

But Defense Against the Dark Arts beckoned, and it wasn't long before she was on her way again, and her mind was once more preoccupied with hatching war plans.

& & &

Something...was definitely different.

Had the room always been this silent? This frozen? Had it always felt like the slightest movement was some sort of threat? Since when had James actually focused on his work? This was wrong. This was so wrong. And the worst part was that Sirius knew the only solution would be to provoke Remus Lupin again. But the truth of the matter was that he didn't _want_ to start something with him. He didn't want anything to do with the fellow!

He listened to the faint scratching of quill-tips on parchment and chewed his lip. The class was taking notes on the precise art that was stirring a particularly potent brew, something that he could not bring himself to care about. He was uncomfortably aware of the way questionable glances were thrown his way, even the odd glare or rude gesture. And the strangest part...they were all _girls._ The boys in the class were determinedly averting his gaze or acting as though everything was as it should be, but the girls were either doubly fawning these days or looking at him like some sort of slug or a criminal. And a sort of halo of the fair gender had formed around Lupin, like a ring of bodyguards.

He was just dwelling on this thought when suddenly he felt something clip the side of his head. A crumpled piece of parchment landed on the desk. Whirling around, he caught a glimpse of a pudgy girl glaring stonily at him before she looked back down at her notebook. _Did I imagine that?_

Jeanie Farwinkle dropped her pencil with a clatter in the aisle between the desks, and it rolled in Sirius's direction. Chivalrous as he was, Sirius bent over to retrieve said pencil--and as he did, the girl in the desk behind him hooked her foot around the leg of his chair and yanked it backwards. Sirius toppled to the floor, and the moment he did, the class seemed to erupt into commotion. Decidedly female commotion.

"I saw that! Professor, she did it on purpose!"

"So what if I did? He had it coming!"

"You have a lot more coming to _you_, you tramp!"

"You think you're so important 'cause you let him stick his tongue in your throat?!"

"Think you're some great feminist just 'cause he didn't want you?! JEALOUS!"

"I WOULDN'T WANT HIM EVEN IF HE DID!"

The teacher had his work cut out for him in quelling the chaos that ensued. Suspending several young women in the air to keep them from committing homicide, he ushered Sirius and Remus out of the classroom. "Just--just go back to your common room and see if you can talk this out. Merlin, if I had been this popular with the girls when I was your age..."

The door slammed shut, leaving the two stunned boys standing alone but for one another in the silent corridor. They exchanged wide-eyed glances of mutual bemusement before suddenly they remembered their rivalry. Red flooded to their faces. Turning up their noses, they huffed and stormed in opposite directions down the hall.

& & &

When James returned to the boys' dormitory fifteen minutes later, after a near-crazed professor had dismissed the class early, it was to find a rather unsettling sight. Foul weather had rolled in over the school, and a faint rumble in the distance promised a storm-to-come. The room was shrouded in darkness, and upon stepping through the door, James could only scarcely make out the form of his best mate sitting hunched on his bed at the far end of the dormitory.

"Um...Siri...?"

The form twitched, and, slowly, terribly slowly, Sirius turned to look over his shoulder, eyes flashing. There was acknowledgment in his stare, but it was cold, and he said nothing.

"Are you...perfectly alright there, mate?"

"I'm spectacular, Jim. Absolutely spectacular."

"Uh...you don't sound it."

"No. Really. I am. Do you know why?"

"...I can safely say 'no'."

"I'll tell you, Jim." Sirius turned full circle and slid off the bed, long legs unfolding underneath him. He began to swagger over to his best friend, in the sort of ominous way that made James question if it had been such a good idea to come up and visit him in the first place. "I'm spectacular because, in the past fifteen minutes, and on some level since this whole ridiculous affair began, I have been thinking. And I have decided that there is only one way that this can be settled." He strode past James, and made his way over to the window overlooking the school grounds.

For a few moments, only the faint drizzle of rain on the windowpanes could be heard.

"...And that is?" James prodded.

The sky chose that moment to break, and in the flash of lightning that followed, the dormitory seemed lit up yellow from the inside, like a lightbulb surging with power. Sirius whirled around, maniacal grin flickering on his face. "A duel."

James couldn't help but wonder at how marvelously cinematic the whole scene was. "A duel?"

"Yes, Jim, my friend, a duel. Between that blasted Lupin and myself. That will show him and his...his girly crusade who is in charge around here, and then things will go back to normal."

James was first-and-foremost a troublemaker, and the very thought of a duel was a rush. All the same, he was dubious. "And how would you suggest we do that, mate? Everyone's watching us constantly nowadays--you plan on proposing a duel when anyone could blab it to a professor? We'd be scrubbing bed pans in the infirmary for months!"

The door creaked open, and both boys whirled around in time to see someone scurry inside. Both James and Sirius recognized him instantly as Peter Pettigrew, the little paunchy fellow who slept in the bed farthest from the others in the Gryffindor boys' dormitory, a timid boy who hardly spoke a word to the others. He paused and offered them a meek smile before diving into his bed, obviously terrified of the storm. And possibly afraid of them, as well.

"Would you believe," James heard Sirius say beside him, in a hushed tone of voice, as they watched the quivering lump in Pettigrew's bed, "that I have a plan?"

**TBC... **

* * *

Whaddaya know, I'm back! After, like...two months. Inspiration was a long time coming. 

I know, I know. What's with all the blasted supporting characters?! I just figure that if it's gonna be a 'war' on such a big level as I'd advertised in the summary, I'd need a lot of backup for both teams, you know? So I guess Remmie's the leader of the "Girly Crusade", as Sirius put it. (Oh, and if my Japanese was poor or off, forgive me. With only about a week's worth of lessons and what I've picked up from my friends and television, my grasp of the language is beginner's at best.)

I can't thank you all enough for the reviews. They make me _sooooo _happy. I love you for them! -throws cookies to the readers- REVIEW, MY PRETTIES, REVIEW! FEED MY EGO, AND I'LL FEED YOU COOKIES!

Oh by the way, if you guys watched the new movie, did you hear them mention Marlene? It was brief, but it made me happy, ohohoho. I'm probably the only one who cared. But Fred and George are such love...T-T Oh, and did you hear those rumors about the guy in Vancouver who got his hands on one of the new books early and was spilling information onto the internet? My friend read all of the (possibly fake) spoilers and told some of them to me. And I tell you, if half the things she told me are true, I think I'm gonna shun reality and go be a hermit up in a cave somewhere...

Ahem--but that's enough outta me! See ya.


	5. Midnight Meeting

**Disclaimer: **I own none of the following. Bummer, huh?

**Chapter Five: Midnight Meeting  
**

It wasn't that Remus didn't appreciate Dorcas's attempts to cheer him up. On the contrary, he was quite touched by the efforts. But the truth was that, however honored he was to have a friend like her, not all the honor in the world could convince him to streak his hair purple. "But it'll be fun!" she had insisted earlier, when she was following him through the labyrinth of bookshelves and ancient volumes that formed the school library. "I'd help! And I think you'd make more friends if you, I dunno, pepped yourself up a bit, Lupin. Purple would be a good color for you!"

In a few polite words that translated from Lupin-language to "bugger off", he convinced her to leave him alone for a while. After all, she was a great comfort to have around for the most part, but sometimes he found that a half-hour or so with his nose in a book could do wonders for his poor frazzled nerves. In the past week since the recent incident in the potions classroom (which had forced poor Professor Slughorn to take a weekend's vacation in the Caribbean just so that he wouldn't throw a fit), Remus' torment had been relentless. People called rude things after him as he walked down the halls, and at one point a hovering bucket of some sort of disgusting viscous fluid had been dropped on his head upon entering the Great Hall. And he still had to sleep in the girls' dormitory, out of fear of what they would do to him if he set foot in the boys'.

That's not to say there weren't people on his side, too. Marlene had been given several weeks detention for several respective fights she was accused of starting and one respective nose she was suspected of breaking. And Remus had heard that Sirius Black had been getting his fair share of cold shoulders and rude words from the girls of the school.

_I suppose it would be too much to ask,_ thought Remus absently as he perused the bookshelves of the near-empty library, _for some people to mind their own business. _He selected a few volumes and went to settle himself in a plush chair near the back of the library. He had barely just sat down, however, when a voice from beside him made him jump.

"Y-y-you're…Remus Lupin, aren't you?"

Remus turned wide eyes to the boy standing beside the chair. Small, plump, with frightened blue eyes that flickered from side to side as if afraid to be caught talking to him. And he really probably was.

"Yes. I am."

"Oh. G-good. My name's Peter. Pettigrew, that is. Uhm…"

"Yes? What is it?" Remus asked kindly, strangely endeared by Peter's timidity.

"I h-h-have a message for y-you."

Blink. "A message?"

Peter nodded and dug in the pocket of his trousers underneath his robes. After a moment he produced a piece of parchment that had been rolled up and tied with a little red ribbon. Remus accepted it tentatively, and the second it was in his hands, Peter was muttering a hasty goodbye and hurrying from the aisle. His robes whipped around the corner of the far bookshelf before Remus had time to utter a simple 'thank you'.

Startled and curious, Remus looked down at the parchment in his hands and began to unfurl it.

&&&

Marlene McKinnon ran her fingers tenderly across the spines of books as she scanned the row of handsome yellowed texts. She shared Remus' fondness for reading; however, while plotting rebellion between studies, she scarcely had a spare moment to visit her old haunting grounds of the school library. Therefore she had been happy to oblige when the boy suggested they drop by. Dorcas, last she checked, had been following Remus, so Marlene had broken off, glad to be freed from the blonde's chatter—if only for a moment.

She pulled a book from the shelf and let out a little muffled yelp when she saw someone blinking at her from behind it.

"Blast it all, Dorcas! You—"

Dorcas appeared around the corner of the shelf, grinning. "It's 'Cassie'."

"Well, _Cassie_, would you mind not _sneaking up on me_ like that?!"

Dorcas shrunk back a little, looking remorseful. "Sorry."

As much as Marlene was frustrated by the ever-present Dorcas Meadowes, that face had some sort of power over her. "It's alright," she sighed. Hesitantly, she added, "Would you like to help me look for some Biology textbooks?"

Instantly the blonde was all smiles again. "Alright!"

She was somewhat helpful, actually. Being tall, taller than Marlene in any case, Dorcas was able to reach books higher up than the little brunette's straining hands could manage. All the while, of course, she chatted. It was quiet chatter, so that Madam Pince wouldn't throw them out, but it was incessant all the same.

"…so you see, it seems a bit odd that there is even an expiration date on sour cream, seeing as it's sour already. Something of a conundrum, wouldn't you agree?" A rare pause for breath. "Did anyone ever tell you that you'd look great with purple hair?"

"What?"

But before Dorcas could elaborate, they saw someone scurrying towards them from where they'd last seen Remus. His face was flushed and he looked like he carried an elephant's-weight of guilt on his shoulders.

"Who is that?" Dorcas asked.

"Peter Pettigrew. Quiet fellow, keeps to himself. He's in our year in Gryffindor."

As Peter was hurrying past, Dorcas reached out and grabbed him by the scruff of his robes. He let out a squeak, but she clapped a hand over his mouth and dragged him behind a shelf before Madam Pince could look their way.

"Relax, Pettigrew. Merlin, you're a jumpy one."

"W-what do you want?" he asked, eying Marlene like she was some sort of vulture. With her reputation being what it was, she wasn't surprised he was so twitchy.

"Were you just with Lupin?" asked Dorcas sternly.

Peter shook his head.

"I have ways of making you talk."

He corrected himself quickly, nodding.

Marlene jumped in. "What did you do? Did you say anything to him? Or did Black and his cronies put you up to something?"

"No! No! I swear!" insisted Peter, shaking all over. "L-look. Sirius and J-James asked me to deliver a message t-to Lupin. They gave me a piece of parchment and _I_ gave it to _him! _That's all—I swear!"

Dorcas searched his face with narrow eyes for anything suspicious. All she found, however, was near-hysteria. Rolling her eyes, she released the boy. "Alright, get out of here, Pettigrew."

Without further urging, Peter Pettigrew was gone.

"We'd best go see what the parchment said," Marlene said, sweeping off for Remus's location with her arms full of books. Carrying the rest, Dorcas loped after her.

They found Remus sitting in a plush red chair, his nose nearly touching a piece of yellowed parchment for he was reading it so intently. He barely noticed when they approached. "What's that, Lupin?" asked Dorcas, craning her head to read upside down.

"It's from Sirius Black," he said in amazement. "He's demanding…a wizard's duel."

"_What!"_

Madam Pince appeared like a wraith, shushing them loudly before disappearing off again. In a lower voice, Marlene repeated herself. "What?"

"He wants me to meet him in the third unused classroom on the ground floor tomorrow night at midnight...for a wizard's duel…" He stared at the parchment for a moment longer, before shoving it into Dorcas's hands. "No. No. It's ridiculous—it's insane! He can't possibly expect that I'd agree to this."

"Maybe you should."

Dorcas and Remus stared at the little brunette in shock. She was unfazed by their gaping expressions. "It would be a good way of proving that you're not going to back down to intimidation," she continued reasonably.

"When you put it that way," said Dorcas, "it might actually be a good idea. Yeah! Show that bastard Black that Remus J. Lupin can hold his own!"

"You can't possibly be serious."

"Come on, Lupin. Maybe if we settle it face-to-face, mano a mano, we can avoid any more of this ridiculous school-wide dissent," said Dorcas.

"Or," said Marlene, with the greedy look on her face that said she was already weaving this into her plans, "if we win, we could spread word around the school. The teachers wouldn't have any proof to act on, and as for us—rumors alone would be a significant attack on Black and Potter's regime."

"We'll get in trouble!"

Marlene shrugged. "An eventuality I'm willing to risk."

"I won't do it."

"Look, Lupin," said Dorcas, "obviously Sirius has been taking precautions to make sure no one but us will find out. He used a messenger boy, for Merlin's sake! If half the things I hear about Black and Potter are true, they are the masters of discretion when they have a mind to be."

"It'll be quick," said Marlene. "We go in, get the job done, get out, and sleep till noon. It'll be Saturday when we're finished, after all, so no one would suspect us if we slept in."

Remus looked back and forth between the two girls, who were staring at him encouragingly. Deep down he realized that his reputation was incontrovertibly tarnished—how much damage could a night out of bed do? And he knew neither girl would let him get away with passing up the opportunity to thwart Sirius Black.

With a sigh, he bowed his head. "What choice do I have?" he asked miserably.

Both girls exchanged grins and clapped him on the back.

"My friend…" began Dorcas.

"…Absolutely none," finished Marlene.

&&&

Little did they know—in Hogwarts, there are no secrets.

Not for long.

&&&

"Okay. Okay. Okay. Someone run this by me again. _Why_…are _they_ here?"

As if to punctuate her question, Dorcas pointed her finger at Manami and Emmeline, both of whom frowned at the gesture.

"Because if you're going, we get to go, too," Emmeline said adamantly. "You three woke me up with all of your rustling, and since I can't get back to sleep, I'm coming along."

"Sansei desu," agreed Manami with a bob of her head.

Marlene bristled. "You are _not."_

"That's right," a familiar voice said, "they're not. And neither are you."

Collectively, the group standing in the common room turned their heads in alarm to see Lily standing at the bottom of the girls' dormitory stairs, her arms folded and her eyes narrow with disapproval.

"Oh," said Dorcas in relief, "it's just you, Evans."

Evans looked outraged. "_Just_ me? _Just _me? You seem to have forgotten that I am a _prefect_, and that since I found you all plotting to go romping around the school at night, I have the authority to turn you in to Professor McGonagall!"

In truth, Remus was surprised that they hadn't been discovered by anyone else besides Lily in the past fifteen minutes they'd been up. It was eleven forty-five at night, and yet with their bickering they had raised enough ruckus to wake the dead. And they certainly made a ridiculous sight; Marlene, Dorcas, Manami, Emmeline, Lily and himself all gathered in the Gryffindor common room in different colored bathrobes, each looking about ready to go for one another's throats.

"Come on, Evans," Dorcas said, sickly-sweet, "be a friend, won't you?"

"That's just it! I thought we _were_ friends!" said Lily shrilly. "But here you are, all of you, conspiring behind my back to…to…to break the rules!"

"But Lily," Marlene said in a more calm tone, "it's for the sake of the revolution."

"Revolution?"

"That's right," piped Dorcas again. "We're gonna go make Sirius Black and James Potter eat their words."

Silence filled the room like some sort of chilly mist—they could see Lily wordlessly weighing her priorities.

At last, she made her decision.

"…I'm going with you."

Marlene threw her hands up in the air in exasperation. "Of _course_ you are! Why wouldn't you?! Everybody _else_ is!" Muttering angrily under her breath, she stormed out through the portrait hole and into the corridor. The others followed close after her.

They stopped at the corner of the hallway, and she turned sharply on her heel, like some sort of general about to address her troops.

"Okay," she said quietly, "we rendezvous with the enemy at 00:00 hours in the unused classroom on the ground floor. That means we must get there within the next fifteen minutes. Everyone just be quiet, be quick, and follow me. Got it?"

"Got it."

"Got it."

"Got it."

"Got it."

"Wakarimashita!"

Everyone looked at Manami. She shrugged sheepishly, and corrected herself. "Got…it?"

Like a swarm of silent wraiths, the group of six slipped down countless corridors and hallways, through doorways, down stairs and even through the occasional hanging tapestry. At last they were on the ground floor, tiptoeing their way past slumbering portraits, and Remus's heart was racing with adrenaline.

"I can't believe it," he whispered to no one in particular. "We haven't gotten caught! We just might get away with it."

"Is that a good thing?" Lily groaned, feeling guilty for acting against her prefect principles.

"Both of you shut up," hissed Marlene. "We're almost there."

And indeed, they could hear the hushed sounds of discussion from the classroom two doors down from where they were. Obviously Sirius and James were already there and waiting for them.

"Okay," Marlene said over her shoulder, "everyone be cool, collected, and diplomatic. We don't want to make ourselves look bad, and we certainly don't want to start a fight other than the duel itself."

Straightening up, smoothing their hair and fixing their bathrobes, they entered the classroom…

…and found themselves under the collective gaze of what seemed to be the entire Hogwarts student body.

Remus gagged at the sight. Now he knew why they hadn't woken anyone with their ruckus in the common room. At least fifty people were crammed into the classroom, wearing a colorful array of pajamas and nightclothes, sitting on top of desks or on the floor or on the windowsill or simply standing around. And when Remus and his friends stepped inside, commotion broke out among them.

"They're here!"

"They're late."

"Or were we early?"

"Who are those other girls?"

"Ha, the poof's menstrual brigade, doubtless."

"Watch it, swot."

"Hey, isn't the redhead a _prefect?"_

"She knows better than to squeal."

"Well, there's one team, where are the others?"

Indeed, among the many familiar and unfamiliar faces (most of which looked sleep deprived but excited all the same), not a one could be found attributable to James Potter or Sirius Black.

Marlene was trembling with rage. "What…" she said in a voice that, were it any louder, would have been a scream, "are…you…lot…_DOING HERE?!"_

"We're here to see the duel!" some brave soul called from the crowd.

The brunette whirled around and regarded her posse with a furious eye. "Who told?!"

"Not me!" Dorcas exclaimed, holding up her hands as if surrendering to the police.

"Are you serious?" asked Remus, folding his arms. The very idea that he would have spilled the information was ludicrous.

"I swear, I only just found out myself!" Lily insisted.

"Don't look at me," Emmeline said.

"Watashi ja nakatta!" To make sure her meaning was conveyed, Manami shrugged her shoulders to the negative and shook her head.

A low whistle from the doorway behind them alerted the room to the arrival of Sirius Black and James Potter.

"Whoa," said James. "Who let the cat out of the bag?"

There was a little tussle near the back of the crowd, and Peter Pettigrew was thrown forward. He cowered under their glares. "I didn't mean to," he keened.

"He was _your_ messenger boy!" snarled Marlene, storming up to Sirius. She was more than a foot shorter than him, but the ferocity of her glare was enough to shrink the most enormous of giants. She jabbed him in the chest with her forefinger. "It's your fault!"

He swatted her hand away. "It was not!"

Marlene gave him a shove. "It was!"

"I'm not gonna push a girl."

"Why not? You obviously have no qualms _kissing_ a _boy!"_

Remus intervened. "Marlene, please."

Dorcas turned to address the room of students in its entirety. "Alright!" she said loudly, swinging her arms in a way reminiscent of a traffic cop waving rubber-neckers past a crash site. "This is a private duel! Invitation only! Everybody OUT!"

But before a single person could emit the slightest of groans, a scratchy yowl filled the air. And something light and furry scrambled onto her shoulder. The unwelcome sight of Mrs. Norris sent a ripple of horror over the crowd. Mrs. Norris flipped her gray tail back and forth and took them all in with a luminous red gaze. Then she hopped down to the ground, slithered through the feet of several people closest to the door, and disappeared into the hallway.

Mrs. Norris meant one thing. That Filch wasn't far behind.

Someone shrieked, and in a moment the whole room was surging with people desperate to escape, their bathrobes like multicolored, 100-percent-cotton waves churning on a stormy ocean. Remus felt Dorcas's hand grab his in the chaos and pull him out the door, running to escape the stampede of students, but it caught up with them. He was knocked to the floor, his hand separating from the blonde's, and if she was calling for him, her voice was lost among the din of panic that filled the hall. The stately-looking people in portraits were waking up to the confusion and crying out indignantly for having their sleep disturbed. Remus scrambled to his feet again before he could be trampled, and hurried on his way.

Somehow, in the mass confusion, he seemed to forget how to get back to the Gryffindor tower. Frantically he darted around hallways, being pushed and shoved from all directions by other, like-minded students. Professors, clad in nightcaps and sleeping gowns, were stumbling from their offices with their wands at the ready. They looked like they were trying to wrangle up a loose herd of cattle as they ran about catching students.

_I can't be caught,_ he thought desperately. _I'll be expelled! I just got here, this is my only chance at living a real life. This is the only place I'll possibly be accepted! I can't be caught, I can't, I can't, I can't!_ He skidded around a corner, and realized with a jolt of hope that there didn't seem to be any others in that particular hallway. _Just keep running, just keep running,_ he told himself desperately.

And suddenly the jowly face of Argus Filch loomed out of darkness.

"I've got you!" he said triumphantly. Lurching forward, he snagged Remus painfully around the wrist, but Remus couldn't catch himself in time to stop, so he bowled right into the caretaker, sending the two of them sprawling.

Remus disentangled himself from Filch and scrambled to his feet. Hastily he hurried down the hall and threw himself into the nearest broom closet. He heard the wobbly footsteps of Filch approaching, and, frightened, Remus tried to hide behind a rack of dusty old Cleansweeps.

"Yoo-hoo! Filchy, dear!"

The footsteps stopped upon hearing the call, and started off in another direction, grumbling threats irritably.

Remus waited for his footsteps to recede down the hall before he breathed properly once more. Then, clutching his chest, he poked his head tentatively out from the broom closet. Everything _seemed_ clear…

Someone grabbed his shoulders and yanked him outside. Before he could cry out, the same someone clapped a hand over his mouth.

"Coming out of the closet at last, Lupin?" a male voice joked.

Eyes widening, Remus jerked out of the grasp and felt himself bristle all over with anger. Sirius Black was standing before him, wearing a smug smile.

"You!"

"Me," agreed Sirius. "Now, unless you want Filchy to catch you, be quiet and follow me." He turned and swaggered away, so sure of himself and where he was going that Remus couldn't help but trot obediently after him. They headed up some stone steps and were walking down a large hallway, their footsteps echoing loudly. The many paintings of food on the walls were starting to unnerve Remus. Was it just his imagination, or was that pork roast watching him as he went by?

His heart and mind were racing, and for some reason his face was burning red with a powerful blush. He couldn't take his eyes off the head of black hair that gleamed subtly in the faint light of the wall torches. _Why would he help me? I've been nothing but horrible to him, and he's been nothing but horrible to me. If I'd been caught—if I'd been expelled—Merlin knows that would make life so much easier for him._

At this point the sounds of commotion had been left far behind them, and Sirius began walking with longer, more confident strides; a man that felt he was in the clear at last and was going to enjoy it. "That was some riot," he said conversationally over his shoulder. "I don't think I've ever seen something on that scale since I first came here. Though it's neck to neck with the time we set off firecrackers in the teacher's lounge, I'll tell you."

Remus swallowed. "Why—?"

"Ah, stop here," Sirius said, stopping suddenly at an enormous portrait of a bowl of fruit on the wall, which nearly reached from the floor to the ceiling. He cleared his throat and reached up, lightly tickling the yellow pear among the fruits. It giggled, and, before Remus knew what was happening, it became a door handle. Sirius pulled it, and the wall opened up before him.

Remus gasped at the sight he beheld. They were in a room, a room as enormous and breathtaking as the Great Hall. High stone walls, pots and pans a million, a crackling fire in a stone fireplace, and countless little house-elves scurrying about. The elves stopped abruptly when Sirius and Remus entered, vast wide eyes fixed on them like gleaming orbs in the semi-darkness. Remus had the faint impression of frozen traffic and a thousand yellow headlights.

Sirius cleared his throat and grinned, the sight of which made Remus's heart flutter unexpectedly.

"Welcome, Monsieur _Lupin,_" he boomed, "to the Hogwarts Kitchens."

**TBC…  
**

* * *

Bwahahaha, I told ya I'd be done with this one sooner than two months! Or did I? Well, that doesn't matter, really. 

Okay, so I was reading the first Harry Potter book recently, and I couldn't stop laughing when Harry and the lot of them were sneaking around the school at midnight in that one chapter and wound up being chased by Filch. Remember? 'Course you do. Well, I thought I'd try to convey the hilarity on a larger, more school-wide scale, but God knows I could never hope to live up to J.K. Rowling's standards. But I hope I gave you lot a chuckle or two. It is my _raison d'etre,_ as the French say. X3

Please continue to review, and I'll try to pump out the chapters more frequently. I love to read feedback, I do I do I do. You all rock so hard! So, until then...see ya.


	6. A Peacetime Proposal

**Disclaimer:** My last attempt to wrest control of the Harry Potter franchise ended miserably. So, no, I _still_ don't own 'em.

**Chapter Six: A Peacetime Proposal**

Slowly, nervously, Remus moved forward, following Sirius as the raven-haired boy swept through the kitchen. The elves parted before them like the red sea, their heads bobbing low in bows and curtsies so deep that their noses all but touched the floor. They were all wearing matching tea towels, wrapped like togas around their bodies, with the Hogwarts insignia upon them. All of them watched the two boys like they were looking upon kings of the highest stature.

"These are the kitchens?" asked Remus breathlessly.

Sirius laughed. "Well, who did you think was making all of the food? Dumbledore?"

To this Remus could only shake his head silently.

A trio of the little elves scurried up to them suddenly, catching Remus off-guard. The leader of the three, a minuscule creature with ears that were particularly vast, stared up at Sirius with reverence. "How may we be of service, sir?" he squeaked.

Sirius snapped his fingers, as though struck with a sudden and brilliant thought. "Ah, yes. One butterbeer for me, Zonky." He looked up at Remus. "What's your pleasure, Lupin?"

Taken aback, Remus stuttered for a moment. "Uh, butterbeer for me as well, thanks."

As if moving of their own accord, two bottles of butterbeer came bobbing along the surface of the sea of house elves, passed from one to another like they were surfing the crowd. Sirius plucked his up from the long bony hands of the nearest elf and popped the cap with a flourish—Remus tentatively accepted his, burning under the wide stares.

Sirius took a deep swig of the drink and wiped his mouth on his sleeve. After a moment he seemed to become aware of Remus's bemusement, because Remus was simply standing there, unopened bottle in his hand, and eying Sirius warily.

"Doesn't quite have the same kick as a good shot of Firewhiskey," Sirius said, tapping the bottle. "It's good stuff, though, en't it?"

But Remus couldn't bring himself to care about the butterbeer. The fact that Sirius Black—who should, for all intents and purposes, _hate_ the very _core_ of him—had saved him from Filch and a very-likely expulsion had rattled his senses. What had he done to earn his good graces? He couldn't get his head around it.

"Why did you save me?" he asked softly.

The self-satisfied expression on Sirius's face seemed to falter. He glanced around irritably at their elfish audience and snapped, "Well, clear off, then." Without another word the elves scurried away, back to their duties, not appearing the least bit affronted by Sirius's harsh tone or change in demeanor.

"I'll be perfectly honest with you, Lupin," he said, turning to the lycanthrope. "I didn't expect you to show up for the duel."

Remus blinked. "You didn't?"

"No. As a matter of fact, I thought you'd cop out and sic Filch on us." He shrugged and ran a hand through his lush black hair. "Turns out you _did_ let it slip after all, but instead of telling a professor you let just about every _student_ in the school in on it. Now here's my thought process," he continued loudly before Remus could insist he had nothing to do with the information leak. "If you _had_ gone and fetched a teacher, that would seal it. War. I've no sympathy for blokes like that. If you had just shown up ready to fight, you would have earned my respect. But bringing a live audience? Well, I don't really know what to make of it."

"I _didn't_ bring a live audience," Remus said, bristling. "Peter Pettigrew did—he confessed!"

"Did _Peter_ organize that little escort of yours as well?"

Remus felt his face heat up. On some level, he _had_ been guilty of bringing onlookers—if not, then what had Marlene, Dorcas and the others been doing there? "How did you know about that?" he asked.

"We saw you before you went into the room," said Sirius.

"How? There was no one else in the halls—we were sure of it."

At this point, Sirius looked a little bit uncomfortable. "Never mind that. We have our ways. But what were they doing with you?"

Remus bit his lip and sighed. "…Moral support," he said weakly.

For a few long moments Sirius simply stared at him, as if he had never seen anything like him in all his life. He laughed and tossed his hair, and Remus couldn't help but see a little of what all the swooning legions of fangirls saw in him—he _was_ rather a good-looking boy. There was nothing wrong with admitting something like that. Right?

"So you," Sirius said through his chuckles, "brought a group of _girls_ to back you in a wizard's duel?"

"That's right," Remus snapped. He quickly reevaluated his opinion on Sirius, and decided that he wasn't so handsome after all. "And those _girls_ are my _friends."_

Sirius waved his hands placatingly, still laughing. "I'm not saying they're not," he said. "It just…it sounded almost like you brought a—a cheering squad to a duel." His voice broke and a fresh wave of laughter swept over him.

Quite frankly, Remus had never felt so confused about another person in his entire life. On the one hand, Sirius was obnoxious. Self-absorbed. Vain. Rude. Childish. On the other hand, he had saved Remus from the doom of expulsion, and was making an obvious attempt at reconciling. _He's not very good at it, though,_ thought Remus irritably, watching Sirius laugh at him.

"Are you _quite_ through?" he snapped. "Because I would very much like to get back to the common room and forget about this whole episode."

"Oh, no." Sirius reached out and grabbed him by the arm, shaking off the last few chuckles in his system. "You can't go back."

Remus wrested his arm away. "Why not?"

"Well, you'd be caught. Simple as that. By the looks of it, just about everyone's being caught, so that in itself wouldn't be so bad--but it won't be long before people start pointing fingers, and you can bet a good majority of those fingers will be pointed squarely at _you."_

"It wasn't _me_ who suggested this blasted duel in the first place!"

"True enough. But James and I have gotten into and out of so much mischief these past five years, I imagine we'll be immune to the accusations. Filch would be itching to have us thrown out, but McGonagall's got too much need of James as a Seeker--and I'm operating under the theory that's she's secretly enamored with me."

He stroked an imaginary goatee in a narcissistic manner, and Remus could help but giggle. Sirius smirked triumphantly, but Remus clapped his hands over his mouth, feeling betrayed by his own laughter. Fixing a frown squarely on his face, he coughed, and said, a bit uncertainly, "You're out of your mind."

"Come on, Lupin. You know as well as I that this whole thing was just the horrific result of a misunderstanding. Don't you think it would be so much easier if we could be, well, comrades? Compatriots? Sympathizers?...Uh...amigos..."

"Friends?" asked Remus, raising an eyebrow. Sirius shrugged sheepishly in response.

"Yeah." He cleared his throat. "That."

Remus studied him, eyes wide with confusion. He spoke slowly, as if trying to draw every ounce of absurdity from the thought. "You're telling me...that _you,_ Sirius Black...want to be friends with _me..._Remus Lupin?"

"That's--that's what I'm telling you, yes."

"Well, if you wanted to be friends, why did you suggest the duel in the first place?"

"Like I said. I didn't expect you to show up. But you did--and that surprised me. After all that chaos, Lupin, I've decided you just might be worth liking, after all. I mean, that was a riot of epic proportions. I don't think there've been that many students out of bed at one time past curfew in this school in...well, ever, actually!" He paused to consider it, and smiled. "Besides that, don't you think it would be in the best interests of _everybody_ if we came to an understanding? Put this whole silly war to rest?"

"I...I suppose," replied Remus reasonably. He knew that Marlene would probably have a conniption to hear him talking like this with the enemy, but at the moment he found it very tempting to just put Marlene out of his mind. Now that the initial hostility had died down, he found that being here with Sirius wasn't so bad. After all, the dark-haired boy was being quite civil. Charming, even. And if they could bury the hatchet, so to speak, perhaps the whole insane series of events this past week would fade from the minds of the Hogwarts students in time. Everyone would forget about it, and would go back to thinking that Remus was just a normal, ordinary person...

"Lupin?" Remus's head snapped up to see that Sirius was looking a bit amused and a bit curious. "So what do you say?"

Remus bit his lip. The temptation of being normal for once was too great to resist. He struck out his hand almost instantly. "Alright," he said. "Friends."

Sirius grinned a wide, spectacular grin and seized Remus's hand in his own, shaking it enthusiastically. "Friends."

& & &

It was quiet.

The floor beneath him was cold and hard, and had a flinty quality to it. Eyes closed, Sirius flipped through his memories of floors, and realized that it was the floor of the Hogwarts Kitchens. _Perhaps Jim and I smuggled some Firewhiskey in here last night and got smashed, _he mused pleasantly. But he didn't feel hung over. He felt around, eyes still shut to the world, and felt a soft quilt draped over himself--the elves had put it there, no doubt. He continued to feel along until his fingers met cloth, with a body underneath it--that would be James.

But it wasn't James. When Sirius opened his eyes, he found himself nearly nose-to-nose with a sleeping Remus J. Lupin.

Sirius sat up sharp, clutching his chest, mind racing. _Oh no, oh God, oh Merlin, what'd I do? Surely I didn't--I couldn't...those thoughts were just thoughts, they didn't mean anything, just idle wanderings of the mind...Jim wouldn't let me, would he? Bah, he'd probably be taking pictures! Damn it to hell, that is the LAST time I drink!  
_

But after a moment, he took in his surroundings and his mind quieted. There was a mostly-intact cake on a plate sitting on the floor a few feet away, and a few empty bottles of butterbeer scattered about. The memories of the night before flitted before his eyes like a shoal of colorful fish, and he heaved a loud, heavy sigh of relief. _That's right--last night was the botched duel. And Lupin and I wound up in the Kitchens to hide. _He dipped a finger in the nearby chocolate cake and licked it off thoughtfully. _And we had a snack...we must have dozed off..._

He looked down at Remus's sleeping form. The boy was curled on his side, one arm cushioning his head from the floor, the other holding on loosely to the edge of the quilt, which had slipped off of him at some point during the night. He was breathing lightly, and with each outward breath the bits of hair that had fallen across his face fluttered a bit. After so many girlish, painted faces, Sirius found the sight of Remus's clean, tired one...genuine. But it was odd. It wasn't as though Sirius had never seen a sleeping boy before. Why was he so fascinated?

He shook his head, annoyed. _What am I getting myself so worked up about?_ he wondered, inwardly scoffing. _After all, he's...got a...feminine face. It's natural for me to... _But he didn't finish that thought. Didn't know how. Slowly he got to his feet and stretched until he felt joints popping pleasantly, then rolled his head on his shoulders. He bent to replace the quilt over Remus, but as he drew it over the slim frame, the smaller boy yawned and rolled over. Sirius felt something in his stomach began to squirm. _That must be from one too many butterbeers, _he told himself determinedly.

But part of him knew it was not so.

& & &

Remus hadn't known what to expect the next morning, but what he found was the school in a state of lethargy. It was nearly noon when they slipped out of the Kitchen, and yet the only few students they found in the halls were practically asleep standing up. The stately gentlemen and ladies in their portraits were pink-eyed and supping coffee, and Mr. Filch seemed to have forgotten to take off his nightcap, for he walked around the school with it sagging on his head the whole day.

They scurried up to the Gryffindor tower quickly and quietly, stopping every now and again to throw a glance around the corner, but they encountered no professors. They stepped through the portrait hole into the common room, and found a good number of Gryffindors sacked out on the floor or the couch. "They must have been waiting up for us," Sirius whispered, and Remus nodded. He looked among the unconscious faces, and it wasn't long before he spotted Dorcas's. He made for her, but Sirius caught him around the wrist. "What do you think you're doing?" he hissed.

"I'm going to wake up Cassie, of course."

"You can't do that."

"Why not? She'll be worried."

"She'll wake everyone else up, and they'll see us coming in together."

Remus frowned. "What sorts of friends wouldn't want to be seen with each other?"

"Oh, come on, Lupin. After all of the rumors, what'll everyone think if we come in together at this hour in the day, without having been seen all night?"

The implication made Remus blush, but he cleared his throat softly and rubbed at his face, as if he could wipe the color in his cheeks away. "Alright...I see your point," he admitted grumpily. Sleeping on a floor next to the boy who had forced his tongue in his mouth had been an awkward experience, and his nerves were strung tight because of it.

They picked their way quietly among the sleeping bodies on the floor to the bottom of the boys' dormitory stairs. Remus followed Sirius silently up the spiraling staircase to the door of the boys' dormitory, aware that this was going to be the first time so far in his stay at Hogwarts that he set foot inside it.

It was dark in the dormitory, as the curtains were drawn, and two boys were asleep in their beds--a round-faced boy closest to the door, and a blond at the furthest end of the room, who Remus recognized as Peter Pettigrew. Sirius sat down bouncily on his own bed and stretched his arms up high over his head. "It's always rough sleeping on floors," he said, but then he noticed that the brunet was still lingering by the door. "That's right, you've never been in here, have you? Well, judging by the fact that no one's slept there, I'd say that one's your bed." He pointed to the four-poster across from his own. "In any case, how'd you manage to swing...like, two weeks, without coming in here once?"

"I...well, I...slept in the girls' dormitory," said Remus as he sat down on the pliant mattress of his own bed. "At least, for the most part. Last night, in the Kitchens, but you know that."

But Sirius didn't seem interested in the last bit. Upon hearing the words "girls' dormitory", he had fixed Remus with a stare of utter wonder. "You've been sleeping in there?"

"Well, yes."

"But...Jim and I have been trying to figure out how to get in there for years! How'd you do it?"

Remus bristled indignantly. "Do you take me for a fool? I'm not going to tell _you."_

"What? Why n--oh. Yeah. Sorry." Sirius rubbed the back of his neck, conscious of his faux pas. "Right. Well, we weren't going to do anything...like _that. _Trust me, we don't need to."

"I suppose that, as the infamous Sirius Black, you have enough girls ready to throw themselves _willingly_ at your feet," said Remus, not without bitterness.

"Ouch, Lupin. I thought we were supposed to be on a friendly basis now?"

Remus studied him warily from across the room. After a long moment, he sighed, breathing out as much ill will as he could, and allowed himself to look at Sirius with eyes anew. He gave a small, grudging, smile. "Call me Remus."

At these words, Sirius practically glowed. "Right, mate--I mean, Remus. Hey, could I call you Remmie?"

Remus rolled his eyes, but couldn't suppress a chuckle. "I'd prefer if you didn't." And, despite himself, he yawned extravagantly. Eyes watering sleepily, he mumbled out an exhausted 'pardon me'.

"No need for it, Remmie--I think you have the right idea. If you don't mind, I'll be sacking out for a bit, too." Sirius stretched and fell backwards onto the bedspread, and, without even bothering to get under it, he fell asleep. Remus stared at him, bewildered, wondering how a person could fall asleep so quickly and detachedly in another person's presence, and, further back in his mind, wondering how a person could get his hair to fall so perfectly across his pillow...

But it wasn't long before he, too, was out for the count.

& & &

"...ius. Sirius. Siri!"

"What?" Sirius swatted lightly at the air, attempting to brush off whoever was shaking his shoulder so roughly. "Go 'way."

"Siri, wake up. This is...haha...'sirius'. No, but really."

"Jim...?" Slowly his eyes opened, grey taking in the dark, hazy dormitory, until his vision was filled with a pair of large, bright hazel eyes framed with glasses. Sirius jumped in alarm, and James sat back enough to give him room, rolling his eyes.

"Bloody hell, Jim," Sirius growled, tightening his hold on his pillow as he willed sleep to claim him once again, "what time is it?"

"About three in the afternoon," said James severely, "and I haven't seen you since last night."

"Oh...yeah. Sorry, mate." Hoping that was the end of it, he dropped his head back into the comforts of the pillow, but James dragged it out from under him and whacked him over the head with it.

"That's not all, Sirius."

"Well, WHAT is so bloody important that you can't let me sleep?" whined Sirius, struggling for his pillow but not putting up much of a fight in his groggy state. True, he had slept a decent number of hours, but that had been on the hard floor, and he felt he owed it to the world to get plenty of 'beauty sleep'.

_"That's_ what." James pointed at the bed across from Sirius's, where Remus Lupin was lying in a state of deep sleep. Frank Longbottom was standing beside the bed with his wand at the ready, pointing it at the sleeping boy, under James's orders to jinx him if he tried to escape. "Seems the little bugger snuck in at some point last night, or we would've seen him."

"Hmm?" Sirius sat up, rubbing his eyes, and blinked at Remus's bed. "Oh, yeah. He came in--I brought him up, 'n fact. Lay off, Frank, he's not gonna attack you."

Frank tucked his wand into the pockets of his robes, looking confused, but James looked absolutely aghast. "Siri! What are you saying?! You're telling me you...and he--?"

"No, no, James," said Sirius hastily, "nothing like that. No, last night when the plug was pulled on our operation, I saw him being cornered by Filch in the hall and I thought, well, what the hell, and I helped him out. He's not a bad guy, this Remus. We hid out in the Kitchens till the riot died down, and we fell asleep. No big deal."

James stared at him. "Sirius," he said. He put his hands on his friend's shoulders. "This guy is in cahoots with every liberally-minded girl in this school! Now, I'm as for women's rights as the next fellow, but some of these chicks are _crazy. _Full-out man-eaters! And he's not just working with _them,_ but every girl in this school who's ever been scorned in love. That's, like, almost every one! YOU are on a first name basis with the boy who could, and probably will, lead you to your downfall!"

"Exactly. Look--if we keep this fight up, eventually, we're gonna lose. Women, they got strange powers. But if we stop this now, we save face with the ladies, and we keep our dignity! And, really, he's a nice guy. Just got caught up in this misunderstanding along with everybody else. He even wants to be friends! So what's the big deal?"

But James still looked uncertain. "I dunno, mate. This guy's surrounded by girls almost constantly. He most likely even thinks like one. And you know how crafty women are--they'll flutter their eyes at you, and the next time you turn your back, they stab you in it!"

Sirius rolled his eyes, but deep down this observation jarred him. What if Remus was really just pretending to be friendly so that Sirius would drop his guard? He cast his eyes over to the sleeping brunet and found this very hard to believe--but Sirius had dated a lot of crazy girls that looked perfectly sane at a first glance.

"Alright," he said. "We'll keep an eye on him. Don't be obvious about it, though--we don't want him being suspicious of us. But at least give the guy a chance, Jim."

"Fine, fine," said James, sliding off of the bed and standing. "That makes sense. After all, keep your friends close, but your enemies closer, right?" He grinned.

Sirius grinned back, propped up on his elbows. "Right."

He felt sick.

**TBC... **

* * *

It is with much hesitance that I present to you the sixth installment of "Even in War". 

Suffering from an inexcusable relapse of writer's block, I finally went to my friend, and said: "Okay. Hogwarts is in a panic. It's midnight. Sirius and Remus are alone in the Kitchens. Help me out." And her reply: "Alone...in the Kitchens...at midnight. Sex, Norikio. Sex. Or if you're not into writing smut, they make an early breakfast and hilarity ensues."

But since neither such prospect seemed to fit the story, I decided that I had to dig myself out of my own hole, and this is what I got. Personally, I'm not perfectly happy with this chapter. It seems a little dull to me, not very funny, with too much dialogue and awkwardness. But I'm trying to ease them into the middle ground before getting to the slashy stuff, you know, and I guess you win some, you lose some with these chapters. So please bear with me and I'll try to get to the good stuff, my lovelies! Oh, and please keep reviewing, because it makes my life brighter.

Peace out.


End file.
